With life throwing us curve balls, catastrophes and a “do or die” dead heat presidential election in just a few days it’s probably best to deliberately distract ourselves by focusing on something completely unrelated, totally unimportant and hard to fathom like Stephen Seagal who apparently now lives in Russia. Russia? I thought he was a lousy Hollywood actor who often played a cop, a grossly out of shape martial artist who was reported to enjoy hurting people and more recently a reserve police officer in Louisiana somewhere “down on the bayou”. At least there was a clear and readily apparent theme, common denominator and requisite skill set in all of these post retirement volunteer and professional roles even if the common denominator happens to be a penchant for displaying excessive violence in the name of questionable justice.

However, while surfing the internet recently in an futile attempt to avoid scurrilous misinformation, blatant lies and disgraceful defamatory political ads I happened upon a few photos of Seagal with his best buddy Vladimir Putin. What the hell has Sensei Steven been eating? That’s not body armor or protective gear under his XXXL shirt. I thinking he may have accidentally consumed several Russian models along with the entire oligarch wedding/birthday cake they popped out of like in that 1992 movie Under Siege. I dont think he’s gonna be doing any Bruce Lee one finger push-ups on any social media platform any time soon…and if he does they damn better reinforce the platform first. That’s a lot of meat on the hoof Nico. Also, someone needs to tell him there is a lighter shade of “Just for Men” brown beard dye. I too have gone overboard in an attempt to look younger than my actual age (Putin and I have the same birthday) and quite a few times got caught up writing a never-ending CaptCliff blog and forgot I had dyed my goatee and eyebrows but never rinsed it out. I looked like a cross between Breaking Bad and Groucho Marx. 

Bottomline there is such a thing as subtlety. Laozi said we are beings of “profound cosmic subtlety” but I’m afraid Steven Seagal never got the memo. At least Putin just wants to BE Napoleon and not spend all his waking hours stuffing his face with those super fattening but no doubt super delicious Russian style Napoleon cakes. That’s subtlety.