This whole consumer tracking and digital media marketing thing is really starting to creep me out. Tell me I’m paranoid but I clearly remember pausing in front of the Thomas Bagel Thins while at Publix today. I couldn’t decide if I wanted Pepperidge Farm extra thin white bread or something off the beaten path like the wide variety of Thomas bagel and english muffin products which just happened to be on sale (2 for 1). I’ve been on a non-Paleo, non-gluten free carbo binge lately and I feel guilty for falling off the “no bread or bagels” dietary restriction I imposed upon myself after gaining 10-15 extra pounds since my previous birthday. As a result I lingered for quite a long time in the dreaded bread aisle and engaged in a protracted “devil versus angel” on my shoulder wrestling match until I was able to crawl out of the Octagon of Shame and break the stalemate with a box of low fat Triscuits. Later, while on my computer at home I start to notice all these Thomas Bagel Thin pop-up ads and banners on AOL and on Facebook. They appear to be following me as I go between tabs and use various search engines. Could these cagey bread barons be using NSA-like spy tactics and hacking techniques to access my personal data using proprietary facial recognition software, Big Brother snooping devices from the movie Minority Report, ie. pre-cogs, or trojan horse viruses slid through the cracks in my iPhone’s vulnerable firewall settings? Have they managed to follow me home using satellite sourced GPS technology and now are trying to wear me down and break my already pitiful reserve of self-control and Just Say No willpower? Even 300 Spartans and their uber muscular physiques wouldn’t stand a fighting chance against the all powerful Pillsbury Doughboy and his rising yeasty minions. Is it conceivable that “they” are intentionally hypnotizing me like a hungry hungry hippo by using strategically placed always moving food images and subliminal advertising? Why do I suddenly crave an entire Sarah Lee sour cream and strawberry cheesecake? It’s 15 degrees below zero outside and all I can think about is finding a 24 hour Kroger to buy the necessary food items to build a hickory smoked turkey sandwich on a Thomas garlic flavored bagel thin with Durkees dressing and a large bag of Baked Lays potato chips….and a Sara Lee cheesecake.  I tried to reboot my Macbook Pro but when I attempted to empty the cache file all I saw was the word “cookies” flashing over and over and quickly retreated to my homepage and the relative safety of my undiscovered reader proof WordPress blog. Hiding out like this online I feel a lot like Anne Frank only a lot older and much fatter. This is not fair. If I see or hear a Tastykake corporate drone fly over my house tonight or tomorrow morning I’m surrendering without a bite, I mean fight.