CaptCliff on: Breaking News in Zimbabwe

We all know how well social media and the Internet keep us abreast of the news. Cellphone ads make fun of how even a 30 second delay in information can leave us hopelessly behind. That is why I am so grateful for the kind of breaking news that I can wake up to online as I drink my morning cup of coffee. Why even attempt to put on my bedroom slippers and shuffle out to the driveway to get the snail mail newspaper? By the time I unwrap the paper from its irritating plastic bag It will be old news anyway, maybe even 24 hours behind the times. This morning I got caught up on the most significant stories on AOL and Yahoo including the 911 call from the Seinfield actor who shot himself in the head and perhaps even more important, the elderly guy in Zimbabwe who got his testicles torn off on his way to work when he crossed a crocodile infested river. I am impressed by the global reach  of these news outlets and appreciate the fact that my own testicles are still intact and undisturbed by giant crocodiles. Talk about a dangerous commute…….I realize some cynics would harp about the sensational nature of news coverage online, each attempting to one up each other in salacious details and TMZ like celebrity obsession. However, Jonah, the elderly eunuch in Zambabwe was by no means a celebrity when he encountered the manhood eating amphibian. Well, at least he wasn’t 5 minutes ago….. I heard he may have a book deal in the works now and Pixar is in negotiations for a 3D movie. Studio exes are throwing around a working title for Jonah’s not so excellent adventure. I suggest either, “Ball-e” or “The Scrotum King”. Morgan Freeman may or may not be interested in the role but I will bet he is going to insist on a stunt double for this blockbuster.