Dr. Cliff on EQM Penile Device…fail

Folks, there is more then a little wrong with society. I am all for product re-branding and reinvention and even recycling, but when we are reselling wall stud finders from Home Depot as devices to measure a man’s erection, we have gone a technological centimeter too far. This “handy” device called a EQM supposedly measures penile rigidity in some international unit I am unfamiliar with, ie. cubits, boners, Johnsons, etc. It should have been a clue for consumers that their companion item, called Fast Size is a “traction” apparatus intended to stretch and extend the male member to Guinness like proportions in one or two easy “sessions”. Sounds more like Penis Pilates to me. These are difficult devices to explain not only to the spouse and children who happen to find them beside the bed, but also set a bad example, of extreme stupidity. I know we are living in the age of automation. I realize pretty soon they will have a smart phone app for this in which you can not only measure your genitalia  with your phone, sort of like Anthony Weiner, but also probably talk to it as well using a Siri like voice activated tool, excuse the pun. I can imagine the conversation now with the app aptly named “Peter”: “Peter, what is my length and girth currently, and hurry up, she’s still in the bathroom.” Peter: “Sir, you are huge, as always”. Did that really take years of research and development? Footnote: A follow-up article notes that zillions of these devices were confiscated from their distribution warehouses by the FDA for failing to ask for or pass mandatory government testing and review. Look for them instead on ebay, Storage Wars, or in your Easter basket today. I hear they work better as stud finders anyway, and not the male kind either.


About captaincliff

Psychologist by day, insomniac Pirate blogger by night, this Child of God likes to share sarcastic social commentary as well as topsy-turvy observations about life, love and the pursuit of zaniness, a functional form of insanity in an increasingly insane world
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