CaptainCliff and His Big Bang

I just finished a science article in Newsweek entitled “Secrets of the Universe” and my brain is still swimming laps in my head. God forbid it was a book or more then 4 pages long. I think my head would have exploded like the Big Bang. I know I have a Ph.D. but that string theory-multiverse stuff goes from thought provoking to brain damaging in one quantum nanosecond, if there even IS such a thing.

I realize most people dont give a shit and would rather watch, “Things Douchebag Guys Say” on You Tube, but still, I want to keep abreast of scientific developments, especially when it comes to little things like the known and unknown universe. The problem is that Cosmology and the so called “new physics” became the NEW NEW NEW PHYSICS while I was going to the bathroom and attempted to create my own whirling galaxy and gravity sucking black hole, Kohler style.

My ADHD and its attendant distractability problem often gets the best of me. For example, while I was pondering Stephen Hawking and his all-in-his-head conclusions about black holes and the “event horizon”, I started wondering how he, with his ALS disease and degenerative condition manages to go to the bathroom and empty his bowels. Can he still poop or pee unassisted and/or does he have his genius Math grad students helping him evacuate? More important, does he sometimes have his remarkable flashes of insight about dark energy, accelerated expansion, and the big bang while he is on the can, and if so, does he have his specially trained assistants write it down immediately on a napkin or a…..nevermind.  Now that I think of it, I never saw Mr. Spock excuse himself to take a leak on Star Trek either. Dont brainiacs have to go like the rest of us and what in the world did a toilet look like on the Starship Enterprise?

Bottomline: I cant help wondering how our basic life functions like taking a crap might inspire once in a millennium Nobel prize revelations like E=MC2 or how some more recent brainiac/genius figured out something called “inflationary cosmology”, which is how cosmic “fuel” gets “smeared” clear across space and then replenishes itself to create other Big Bangs and other universes, hence the Multiverse. Maybe I really shouldn’t be reading this kind of stuff in the bathroom.

About captaincliff

Psychologist by day, insomniac Pirate blogger by night, this Child of God likes to share sarcastic social commentary as well as topsy-turvy observations about life, love and the pursuit of zaniness, a functional form of insanity in an increasingly insane world
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