Sleeping Sex Disorder Down Under

Leave it to the Aussies to create a brand new category of sexual dysfunction. Before you get too excited, it has nothing to do with Great White sharks, koala bears, kangaroos, crocodiles, or those little poisonous jellyfish that will kill you before you can make it out of the water to pee on yourself. In fact this is an unusual sex-related phenomena that has been reported before in several countries. It’s just that no one was dumb enough (or smart enough) to believe it. In this case I will print the case as reported so you can make up your own mind. Spoiler alert: They are calling it “Sleep Sex Disorder” down there…so to speak.

Breaking News: In Australia, a middle-aged woman had a quirky habit. She would wake up in the middle of the night, leave her suburban house and engage in sex with various strangers. This proved once again that a woman doesn’t even have to be conscious to pick up dudes.



After months of her husband waking up to find their home littered with used condoms (and once finding his snoring spouse being actively penetrated by a stranger) the wife and the world’s most trusting spouse decided to get medical help.


Doctors were no doubt reluctant to believe the story, most likely thinking instead that the husband was suffering from one of the world’s worst cases of gullibility. But the couple’s anxiety over the incidents paired with a detailed medical/psychiatric examination proved that, sure enough, her actions were completely involuntary and a strange mixture of hot and weird.


The condition, called Sleep Sex because doctors aren’t the most creative people in the world, is caused by an REM behavioral disorder. The part of your mind that is supposed to stop you from moving when you’re dreaming doesn’t kick in, thus allowing you to actually act out your dreams.


Why that seems to only manifest itself in the form of screwing strangers in this particular instance is anyone’s guess.

Yeah, well….what can I say? I just sleepwalk into the kitchen and eat mass quantities of carbohydrates. Even as a confirmed sleepwalker myself, the idea of going out and finding a random sexual partner seems like an awful lot of work. Plus, after sex I would still end up at the kitchen pantry rustling around for a post-coitus Snickers bar or bag of potato chips. Who needs to end up with a bigger problem and another diagnosis on their medical record such as Sex and Snickers Sleepwalking Syndrome (SSSS)? Regardless, I’m sure this case will end up as a storyline for an On Demand Adult Movie. Along with the other garbage and reprehensible titles like “Virgin Masturbators” look for something soon under the title, Sleeping Beauty Down Under: The Walking Sex Machine.
…or some similar sounding carnal nonsense. Crikey!


About captaincliff

Psychologist by day, insomniac Pirate blogger by night, this Child of God likes to share sarcastic social commentary as well as topsy-turvy observations about life, love and the pursuit of zaniness, a functional form of insanity in an increasingly insane world
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