Designer Vaginas and Other Medical Innovations


We live in exciting times.  According to several mad scientists we are on the cusp of a new era in plastic surgery and surgical reconstruction. Cutting edge research in the use of stem cells and organ transplantation has taken us to the pinnacle of regenerative medicine demonstrated by our ability to now grow vaginas in special laboratories and then custom fit them to whoever is first in line to buy a new vajayjay. Unlike the cheap plastic imitations at your local sex shop, these flesh and blood hoo-hoos actually work and can even menstruate, which may or may not represent much added value. Let’s not think about the colorful cast of characters that will camp out in front of Costco when they start stocking shelves with three-packs of female genitalia. Sure your old school brain might explode at the very thought, but by then they’ll also have replacement heads on aisle 3. I’m sure the price point will be steep at first, but once we get the 3D laser printers rocking the human organ supply chain like aftermarket auto parts, prices will come down and no doubt lead to Target and CVS brand vulvas on sale for Valentines Day.
Personally, I will probably wait for the Groupon deal mostly because I’m certain my Obamacare health plan wont cover a new penis or private parts of any kind. Anybody got a creative name for a replacement vagina? Too bad “Hot Pockets” is already taken.

Addendum: Well my 3D printing of female genitalia prediction didn’t take too long to come true. A Japanese artist (see web article) is already squatting, scanning and pushing the print button. Unfortunately in Japan that got her arrested. Oddly all the Japanese men who oogle and molest young girls on the trains and buses there go unpunished. I guess it has something to do with discretion and modesty …and sexism.


About captaincliff

Psychologist by day, insomniac Pirate blogger by night, this Child of God likes to share sarcastic social commentary as well as topsy-turvy observations about life, love and the pursuit of zaniness, a functional form of insanity in an increasingly insane world
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4 Responses to Designer Vaginas and Other Medical Innovations

  1. Ed says:

    Excellent and appropriately funny – My only critique is that I want more, but I understand you didn’t want to go on and on… Anyway where do I order my genome specific vagina? …potentially by the dozen?

    • captaincliff says:

      Ed, If you are not an auto-bot, which I suspect you are not because you actually made grammatical sense in your comments, I would suggest you hold back from purchasing the first generation 3D generated vaginas. Like any new product it takes a few iterations to get the kinks out and getting a big public notice about a product recall on your vjay-jay collection may not be good for your standing in the home owners association. Dont worry, this kind of high demand product will hit the markets well before we ever make it to Mars or have flying automobiles like they promised us Baby Boomers. Now all I want is a better pain pill that has Viagra-like side-effects.

  2. aamir says:

    i want to purchase this product,,,,

    • captaincliff says:

      We all want to purchase this product Aamir. You are not alone. We just don’t want it to malfunction and tear our genitals off like that crazed 200 lb. chimpanzee who was high on Xanax and cheap champagne. I hate when they do that.

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