Stardate 5.2.2021: Some time after leaving the Trillium5 galaxy cluster around Stardate year 2003 we passed through a Lorentzian wormhole and spatial anomaly completely unknown to the Federation and reemerged in 2021 AD, a parallel universe and confounding dimension in space-time that resembles our home planet but on closer inspection seems to be a twisted version of Earth, one in which life is less like “a box of chocolates” and more like an uber demented Reality TV show…a kind of hyper exaggerated mock-up of human life at it’s ethical and moral trickle-down worst.

For example, simple logic and critical thinking appear to be nonexistent among a vast number of the planet’s current inhabitants. Contentious personal opinions and highly polarized viewpoints seem to be the norm. For a relatively advanced species living in a technological modern age it’s difficult to understand why these people choose to believe in absurd unsubstantiated conspiracy theories and endorse medical and scientific quackery versus proven science. Mr. Spock finds it “fascinating” but I frankly want to just punch them in the throat. Alternatively, former drug addicts and college dropouts like the My Pillow guy are considered to be a trusted source of high level political and military intelligence. In similar fashion, popular people on social media called “influencers”are perceived as highly credible authorities even while they spout disproven theories, false innuendo and scientific nonsense.

After beaming down to the planet surface our crew attempted to engage the inhabitants in civil conversation and open dialogue to find answers to these vexing questions. It quickly became an exercise in futility. First Uhura was “cancelled” by a rabid crowd of college students for not signing a petition to denounce every “former and future” US President and for not filing both civil and sexual harassment charges against Gene Rodenberry. Spock went insane and had to be physically restrained after initiating a mind-meld with a MAGA hat wearing Baby Boomer dressed like Paul Revere. We left as quickly as we could after our Chief medical officer McCoy was forcibly restrained and branded by Qanon supporters with a makeshift branding iron that said “Fauci Lies”. Near the end we were forced to employ phasers as we held off wave after wave of radicalized Evangelicals and insurrectionists wearing buffalo hats with horns and Confederate Civil War uniforms. It was only on our safe return to the Enterprise that we learned that Donald Trump not only had been the duly elected president of the United States (which seemed wholly implausible) but that he was also planning to be “reinstated shortly”even after having lost the following election by a wide margin. Total chaos seemed inevitable.

Not withstanding the Federation’s Prime Directive to never interfere with the natural development of any civilization, the mere thought of these life forms someday discovering warp drive and being able to propagate their species while going where “no man has gone before” is a frightening as well nauseating proposition far more troubling and difficult to ponder than the Kobayashi Maru Starfleet training exercise. Talk about a galactic no-win situation….