Once a quiet corner of whitewashed cabinetry and staggered kitchen tile now better known as Cell Block Z…home to one of the most incorrigible yet super cute toy puppies on the planet. Only the most adorable and alternately most vicious Hannibal Lecter like pups and serial escape artists are relegated to this Southwest Style Super Max canine correction facility in suburban Atlanta. Mochi Mazer is one of them.
On the outside an adorable ten week old miniature puffball and Toy Havapoo… but on the inside a scheming evil genius with the psychological manipulation skills clever enough to already dominate her sweet gullible 10 year old Black Lab sibling Harmony either by making her 1) swallow her tongue like Miggs in the movie Silence of the Lambs 2) hand over her prized once a day dental stick or 3) just do her never ending adorable bidding…which includes consigning herself to being Mochi’s live chew toy 24/7.
Yes Mochi Mazer may have a 3 lb. canine body and a teeny tiny puppy brain the size of a spanish walnut but she can already multitask like a criminal mastermind by plotting, executing and then covering up a brutal physical assault on a peace loving stuffed animal all while still looking incredibly adorably cute. Imagine being able to do that while simultaneously whining and begging for human food (like pancakes and bacon) she has never tried and isn’t allowed to eat. The crime in question was committed swiftly and without mercy using extreme cunning and apex predator instincts on par with an adult Velociraptor.
To wit: Yesterday Mochi “I want pancakes and bacon” Mazer ripped Winnie The Pooh’s stuffed animal face off even as Pooh Bear sat on the bedroom floor silently pondering Existential philosophy and Zen Buddhism. Like Travis the enraged benzo-addicted alcoholic chimpanzee that tore Charla Nash’s face off just for fun, Mochi Mazer pounced on Pooh Bear and in a very short time left him non-sentient and without many of his well known highly recognizable facial features. Thanks to modern reconstructive surgery and superglue Winnie will recover to live a normal Disney stuffed animal lifespan but is destined to suffer lifelong physical and psychological scars including severe Toy Story PTSD. Mochi Hannibal Havapoo Mazer on the other hand, very much like the notorious honey badger in the YouTube viral video “just dont care” and “dont give a shit”. Here she is looking adorably cute even as others slave away picking up her poop, wiping up her little pee puddles with truckloads of valuable paper towels, laying down hundreds of square feet of overlapping doggie diaper pads, and fruitlessly attempting to fix a growing list of household items and valuables that Mochi breaks, bites, and tears into a million pieces just for puppy fucks. Tune in for future episodes exploring the devious mind and antisocial behavior of Mochi Mazer.