Once a quiet corner of whitewashed cabinetry and staggered kitchen tile now better known as Cell Block Z…home to one of the most incorrigible yet super cute toy puppies on the planet. Only the most adorable and alternately most vicious Hannibal Lecter like pups and serial escape artists are relegated to this Southwest Style Super Max canine correction facility in suburban Atlanta. Mochi Mazer is one of them.
On the outside an adorable ten week old miniature puffball and Toy Havapoo… but on the inside a scheming evil genius with the psychological manipulation skills to already dominate her sweet but gullible 10 year old Black Lab sibling Harmony either by making her 1) swallow her tongue like Miggs in the movie Silence of the Lambs 2) hand over her prized once a day dental stick or 3) just do her never ending adorable bidding…which includes consigning herself to being Mochi’s live chew toy 24/7.
Yes Mochi Mazer may only possess a 3 lb. canine body and a tiny puppy brain the size of a spanish walnut but she can already multitask like a criminal mastermind by plotting, executing and then covering up a brutal physical assault on a peace loving Pooh Bear stuffed animal all while still looking incredibly cute. Imagine being able to do that while simultaneously whining and begging for human food like pancakes and bacon that she has never even tried and certainly isn’t allowed to eat. The crime in question was committed swiftly and without mercy using extreme cunning and apex predator instincts on par with an adult Velociraptor as depicted in Jurassic Park. Clever Girl.
To wit: Yesterday Mochi “I want pancakes and bacon” Mazer ripped Winnie The Pooh’s stuffed animal face off even as He/she/them/Pooh sat on the bedroom floor silently pondering Existential philosophy and Zen Buddhism. Like Travis the enraged benzo-addicted alcoholic chimpanzee that tore visitor Charla Nash’s face off just for fun, Mochi Mazer pounced on Pooh and in a short time left him both non-sentient and without many of his well known highly recognizable facial features. Thanks to modern reconstructive surgery and Dollar Store superglue Winnie will recover to live a normal Disney animal lifespan but is destined to suffer lifelong physical and psychological scars including Complex Toy Story PTSD. Mochi Hannibal Havapoo Mazer on the other hand and much like the notorious honey badger in the YouTube viral video “just dont care” and “dont give a shit”.
Even now she is looking adorably cute as others slave away picking up her stinky poop, wiping up her little pee puddles with truckloads of valuable paper towels, laying down hundreds of square feet of overlapping doggie diaper pads, and fruitlessly attempting to fix a growing list of household items and valuables that Mochi breaks, bites, and tears into a million pieces just for puppy fucks. Tune in for future episodes exploring the devious mind and endlessly antisocial behavior of Mochi Mazer.