CaptCliff on the Pooping Bandit in Connecticut
Alert readers will note a particular set of colorful “themes” woven through the seemingly random, albeit warped tapestry of CaptCliff’s disparate writings. Perhaps due to my recent diagnosis of IBS, also called spastic colon or irritable bowel syndrome (to my closest friends and family) there has been a noticeable rise in content, so to speak, having to do with bowel function. This may seem alarming to those guys and goys who are uncomfortable talking about the natural ebb and flow in our digestive tracts that, if we are lucky enough, ends up in the sewer system via our modern sanitation technology, aka, the toilet. Some of the “afflicted” arent so lucky, as was reported in this recent news article. Let me break it down: A man in Connecticut, a fellow sufferer of IBS decides to rob a bank, and coincidentally takes his wife a child with him…dont ask me why. The weird and ewwwy part is that he gets nervous and cant “make it” through the entire hold -up and ends up pooping in the bank parking lot. Yeah, I’m not kidding. I’m totally serious. This shit actually happened, for real. Anyway, he makes for one lousy criminal as you well can imagine because 1) he lack the patience and fortitude of a successful criminal AND 2) he frickin’ left a literal shitload of evidence at the crime scene!!
I know he isn’t asking for my wisdom or advise either as a Clinical Psychologist or as someone who worships the ceramic God known as Toto, but I’m thinking that the guy (The Pooping Bandit) needs to find a profession more attuned to his life and lifestyle. We can all agree it’s generally bad form as well as a bad idea, as a bank robber, to leave a trail of such obvious (as well as odorous) forensics , dont you think? I truly dont mean to discriminate but I do have an extra copy of “What Color is My Parachute” lying around her somewhere that I’d be glad to send to the guy…. if I can find out where he is incarcerated. Speaking of toilets, I hope he likes the stainless one piece models cuz I think he is going to be there a while. Arrrgh!