CaptCliff’s Fancy Restaurant Review: Canoe

Canoe Restaurant Review

Rating 4 stars out of 5 (To get a 5 they have to be absolutely flawless, offer sexual amenities,  and/or free organ transplants)


After two weeks of exercising and eating healthy (ok, I was starving to death) in preparation for a high school reunion, I went to the very fancy and well respected dining establishment, Canoe for dinner with Becca and Ari. We went at the suggestion of my foodie son, Benjamin who plans to be a doctor, not only to heal the sick and the less fortunate, but also so that he can afford to patronize exceptional restaurants like this one. Amazing meal. We ate everything (the braised rabbit, the steak, the seared scallops, etc.) as well as the live chicken and a random restaurant worker named Jose I caught roaming free-range in the chef’s sustainable organic garden. I killed them both myself using a sharpened stick of red cedar salvaged responsibly from the tornado several weeks ago in Vinings. Delish. Talk about service and attention to detail. By the time the desserts came (the Chocolate Grotto and a flour less chocolate pudding with homemade mint ice cream) we practically needed to call the “Scooter Store” for assistance. I noticed on my son’s iPhone that I qualified for this senior perk by this time into our multi-course meal having both limited mobility and by being nearly unable to get up unassisted due to how incredibly full I was. This review fails to even mention the gigantic uber-fantastic bread tray (freshly baked sesame lavash flatbread, sour dough and cranberry raisin loaf all made on premises) that was offered to our table multiple times, mostly because I blocked the server from getting by with my chair until he coughed it up…again and again. Regardless, there was no way we werent going to finish in grand style, so we did. How full was I , you ask?  It is conceivable I had a small cardiac event or TIA in Canoe’s parking lot, but the valet/attendant was more than gracious and pointed me in the general direction of my home in Sandy Springs (and Northside Hospital). I look forward to visiting this culinary masterpiece on the river again as soon as my doctors deem me sufficiently recovered. Just kidding. It was super…..Four “arrggahs” out of Five

About captaincliff

Psychologist by day, insomniac Pirate blogger by night, this Child of God likes to share sarcastic social commentary as well as topsy-turvy observations about life, love and the pursuit of zaniness, a functional form of insanity in an increasingly insane world
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