Day Two: Back to the Homeland
Ok, things definitely did not work out in Attatabad, or whatever they call it. Pakistan is so stupid! All I did was sit around and do my nails (mortuary black with little white skulls) while the whole stupid country is busy planking on oriental carpets and chasing goats all day. My raisin bran tasted like puke with goat milk in it. Even in jail they had 2%…….Ewww.
Also, have they never heard of deodorant? The women smell worse then the men, and the men smell like my car trunk. I told Chaney I would do him even better then Jose if he got me the frick out of here. He got me a gig back in Orlando at Splash Mountain on account of my previous “lifeguard” experience. Ha, but seriously, with the obesity epidemic among kids in the USA, dont you think there are gonna be tons (literally) of parents who would be better off without their whiny lard ass pre-diabetic toddlers?? Speaking of…I’d like to get my hands on Nancy Graces “sweet” little twins. That beatch has it coming to her. Anyway, they flew me back on a private jet. That was SO cool.