CaptCliff on Man Ties Self to Tree For Sex

I dont know where Ramsey, Minnesota is but based on recent news reports, it can get pretty kinky out there. Apparently a man named Alan Petrusson, now known to billions on the Internet as “the guy who tied himself naked to a tree for sex”, did exactly that in a city park. Of course he first blindfolded himself so that the sex could be more “anonymous” and therefore, theoretically more exciting. Wouldn’t you? Many people reading this, such as myself, tend to pause and consider the “what ifs”. What if he did that in Yellowstone Park during Grizzly bear season after first smearing himself with peanut butter and hollandaise sauce? What if he did that in Compton California while proudly flying gang colors at “full mast” in the midst of someone elses turf? There are endless scenarios in which to imagine how Mr. Petrusson could have heightened his own perverse sexual arousal right before having his limbs torn off and/or found himself mated for life with a highly possessive and close-knit family of brown bears, chimpanzees, gorillas, Crips, Bloods, or Central American street gangs. Unfortunately in Ramsey none of the above materialized and he was merely reported to the police and promptly arrested. I dont know what the penalty is for such behavior in a public place, but I doubt his eco-friendly, tree-hugger defense is going to work, especially given his erect state. I know if I was the tree I wouldn’t appreciate it.

About captaincliff

Psychologist by day, insomniac Pirate blogger by night, this Child of God likes to share sarcastic social commentary as well as topsy-turvy observations about life, love and the pursuit of zaniness, a functional form of insanity in an increasingly insane world
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