I just saw the remake of “The Time Machine” (2002). I waited all these years to see it because I just KNEW what I would think of it. How about this summary: A tangled, incomprehensible perversion of the original movie (1960). Nearly as monstrously bad and disfigured as the remake of the classic “Journey to the Center of the Earth”, again the original with James Mason, not the piece of total dog shit starring Brendan Fraser in 2008. Everyone involved with both of these “remakes” should apologize to the Hollywood Motion Picture Guild and immediately tender their resignations as actors, producers and especially card carrying film directors. I dont even WANT to know who re-wrote the screenplays or directed these cinematic abominations. If I met them on the street or at Starbucks I would slap them across the face with a white silk glove and offer some Native American or vulgar Shakespearean insult involving their mothers and needing to eliminate their “family seed” from the Earth. Omg, I just looked it up on Wikipedia. The movie I just watched was directed by Simon Wells, the actual great-grandson of HG Wells. I just cursed the family tree of the original writer…….yegads. Still Simon, did you REALLY have to miscast the great actor Jeremy Irons as the Uber-Morlock vaguely channeling Ricardo Montelban (Khan) from Star Trek?? KHANNNN!!

Next Up: Kate and Colin ruin Total Recall? God, I hope not. Is nothing sacred?