Dear NASA,

At the very same time your magnificent Mars Rover, Curiosity, shakes the Martian dust off it’s multi-billion dollar high tech chassis and prepares to engage in a trillion groundbreaking experiments, I am stuck in bed with a bad head cold.

I am tremendously impressed that Curiosity and its MSL spacecraft traveled many millions of miles through the cold dark recesses of space before plunging to the Martian surface in what has been called “seven minutes of terror”. Watching billions of dollars go down the drain in a split second is terrifying to imagine. Such momentous gambles are best left up to the steely of heart, like Warren Buffett or Dick Cheney, who apparently is able to replace his own internal organs once they malfunction.

This whole scientific symphony was accomplished through a series of unbelievably precise maneuvers carried out remotely and by computer programs more complicated than the most complex ballet ever conceived. Meanwhile, my flat screen TV and remote control in my bedroom is not working and Comcast wont be able to come out to adjust my cable box until December 2013, well after the Mayan Apocalypse. How is that possible? NASA, could I please borrow the guy with the Mohawk for a couple hours to fix my TV and reprogram the remote control? I’m pretty sure the Curiosity Rover will be fully operational and on the move before I will. I feel like total crap and I want to watch Law and Order reruns in between big swigs of Nyquil.

Sincerely, Cliff Mazer