Men, Shtupping and Dr. Suess


(Adult / Slang)

Or: shtup / stup , slang term meaning copulate, more often said of and by men. From the Yiddish meaning to push. Chiefly American usage. See copulation for synonyms.

Riddle me this. The President was just in Amsterdam on his way to some little Nuclear Security Summit or another. Already three Secret Service agents have been sent home for getting totally trashed off duty. I guess they didn’t even make it to the Red Light District or the groovy hash bars. They did the same thing in Cartagena in 2012 except then it apparently also included hookers with the beer pong. When I read progressive websites like the Good Men Project I notice I have somewhat paradoxical reactions. My first thought is, “Man this is great stuff! Maybe there IS hope for mankind. Maybe men are finally evolving into mature enlightened beings far removed from their caveman roots and self-limiting stereotypes. My second reaction is, “Wait, if men are growing substantially in terms of social and emotional intelligence, why are there still so many men who “fall from grace” before our media saturated eyes and end up in the Bill Clinton Hall of Shame? Nobody doubts that there has been a sea change in society regarding applied science,artificial intelligence and computer technology. Whether the men who use all this technology have changed their own basic psychological and cognitive operating systems is debatable.

In times of trouble, social unrest, and economic instability, we turn to our most respected elder statesmen, both alive and departed. Theodore Geisel, otherwise known as Dr. Seuss, once said, “Adults are obsolete children”. With society being the way it is and information moving at the literal speed of our current computers and hand held devices, even the beloved author of Green Eggs and Ham might be future-shocked by modern techno-culture’s rapid pace of change and obsolescence. What he would think about macho men being men and guys acting like selfish jerks is anybody’s guess, altho there might be some suggestive literary clues.

The Grinch, a Seuss character known for his social immaturity, greed and self-centeredness would also seem to be someone who isn’t all that enamored with technology and the latest greatest mobile apps, even if he did seem to have the right bright green thumbs for it. As it turns out, some adults are becoming both psychologically obsolete AND more reckless with age. Most of them are men. Imagine Mr. Geisel’s confusion upon reading the headline news today regarding our Presidents security detail and who’se shtupping who…or is it whom? Apparently there is a military crisis occurring in Crimea on top of everything else going on, and its not just about the gazillion dollars we spend on high-tech wars in places we cant pronounce. It’s also about the four star generals and their lady friends who happen to not be their wives. Man may well be a “social animal”, but there is evidence to suggest that some of our military leaders and certain key personnel in the security and intelligence community are still pulling double duty by becoming exceedingly friendly with prostitutes or somebody elses spouse. When it was suggested that we all stand firm and “Be All That You Can Be” is this possibly what they meant?

Perhaps the good folks at The Good Men Project (TGMP) are not interested in what I, a 60 year old Baby Boomer Psychologist and sex therapist have to say on the subject. Regardless,they truly do represent the best of what men can be and are hopefully becoming. They are to “modern manhood” and masculinity what Elizabeth Warren’s  grassroots army of volunteers were to her stunningly successful Senate campaign.Those smart as a whip college kids and young people carried the day (and the candidate) to a transformative victory over the predictable status quo. Similarly, the old ideals of masculinity and the outdated male stereotypes will eventually end up in the same locked and bolted storage shed that now houses society’s archaic notions about race, gender, slavery, child labor, homosexuality, and “legitimate rape”. However, if fathers are significant role models for their children, then what anachronistic notions, gender-biased views, and bad behavior are some of us continuing to model, often without realizing it?

More specifically, what is it with men in authority and all the binge drinking, continuing frat boy behavior and extramarital shtupping? What seemed to start (in terms of public disclosure) with JFK in the White House swimming pool has gone on unchecked and unabated right up to and beyond General Patraeus’s resignation from his position as CIA director for engaging in unsavory “drill routines” with his female biographer. No wonder he stayed in such good shape and did so many push-ups everyday. The push-up thing alone should have tipped off the FBI and most certainly his wife.

Let’s be perfectly honest. Can we all just agree in classic Jack Nicholson in “A Few Good Men” style to just be willing to “handle the truth” for a moment? It doesn’t matter if a man is black or white, flaming gay or stodgy straight, right wing, left wing or solid centrist, many guys have a tendency to act like idiots and cheat like 6 year old girls playing Monopoly for the first time. They bend rules, lie like Persian rugs, and no matter if they are introverted tax accountants, quadriplegic world renowned theoretical physicists or Secret service agents tasked with guarding sex-crazed presidents and/or more contemplative commanders-in-chief, many men remain vulnerable to serially screwing up and shtupping outside the bounds of marriage and committed relationships.

Certainly I cant say this is case for every man or every Catholic priest (dont get me started) but given the opportunity, a large number of men (approximately 60%) will probably in their lifetime seek shelter and possibly a few forbidden-fruit fueled orgasms in the beds and boudoirs of non-commissioned partners. That is until they’re caught, and then pretty much on cue every guy (except maybe trial lawyers and politicians) does a big mea culpa and falls on their sword if they are wearing one. If they aren’t or dont have one they go to celebrity “rehab”, claim to have a sex addiction, or blame it on bipolar. I’m talking about the short-term mild kind of mental illness that allows them to slink home quietly after 30 days. By contrast, killing and eating the people you sleep with would more likely be blamed on bath salts… and bipolar, of the more serious variety.

I suppose the Good Men Project folks would say that shtupping outside of marriage is definitely something guys need to work on. Fidelity and faithfulness certainly seems to be something that is easier to proclaim about God, country and the US Marines than when it comes to keeping Private Peters in ones pants and making sure a “cigar is just a cigar” and not some creative sex prop in the Oval office. Thanks again for that disturbing visual image seared into my subconscious, Mr. President. Trust me, I would really rather read Dr. Seuss and imagine myself in Whoville celebrating the colorful Who Centennial. Instead I am left once again to ponder “who” among our leaders is what Dr. Suess would call a  “bad banana” and a “king of sinful sots”. Full disclosure: It turns out that Dr. Seuss, the venerable Theodore Geisel also couldnt control his own inner Grinch, and his late in life marital infidelity was a contributing factor in his wife’s suicide in 1967.

Finally, I realize as a Clinical Psychologist I could give a long winded  explanation on the bio-psycho-social reasons for man’s tendency to stray and how and why men in power fail so miserably when it comes to monogamy, even in comparison to other “lesser” species including wolves, bats and prairie voles, but that would just add to the list of our paltry excuses and clever obfuscations we guys use to justify our less than admirable behavior, Admirals included.
Cliff Mazer, Ph.D. is a Clinical Psychologist and blogger/humorist who lives in Sandy Springs, Georgia. He loves Pirates and blogs under the psuedonym of CaptCliff at:  Contact: 404-932-7193

About captaincliff

Psychologist by day, insomniac Pirate blogger by night, this Child of God likes to share sarcastic social commentary as well as topsy-turvy observations about life, love and the pursuit of zaniness, a functional form of insanity in an increasingly insane world
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