Baby Boomers, the quintessential travelers are always looking for interesting places to go. Instead of backpacks we now carry high-end but functional luggage, you know, the kind of stuff that people in Boulder, Colorado would buy and use if they ever left Colorado and their 12 million medical marijuana dispensaries.
The rest of us who dont live in paradise look for travel bargains and/or highly unique places to visit. Normally Belgium would not come to mind. Besides making good waffles and pretty decent milk chocolate, Belgium is not known for all that much. It’s sort of the “Idaho” of Europe, as in they make a good export product or two, like Idaho potatoes and violent domestic terrorists, but I wouldn’t want to live there. So what do you do if you cant compete with London, Paris, Las Vegas or Los Angeles for tourist attractions and swinging nightlife?
You create a “niche” market. You create a hotel and distinct brand that appeals to a limited but oddly loyal segment of the traveling public. Previously I have opened up to my readers, so to speak, about my recurrent intestinal problems and interest in all things “bowel”. Ok, actually I have opened up my entire head, mind, and mondo bizarro sense of humor to the public domain in my CaptCliff blog. As a result, my grown children have attempted to take away my computer and put me in a permanent state of digital “time out”. In their defense, given the very permanent nature of what is posted on the internet, it is quite possible that I sometimes confuse my posterior for what I leave for posterity. So be it.
Still, it’s not gonna happen. I will not be silenced, even if it is for my own good. There are too many important stories to tell and news items to dissect for their superficial cultural value and deep insight into the human condition, circa 2012. The underlying theme is usually the same….that mankind, like “auto-correct” on our cellphones tries hard to help, to be good and to get it right, but often fails miserably. Existential humor is better than severe depression.
Writing about 2013 is a bit more speculative what with my upcoming trip to Cancun next week and the coinciding Mayan Apocalypse. I checked with my travel agent to see if a disintegrating home planet or Extinction Event sized meteor is covered by the travelers insurance, but they claim that requires an extra charge and a signed waiver of some kind. Waiver of what, that a one way trip to hell or hordes of drunken tourists turned into brain eating zombies rampaging through Cancun is excluded from coverage?
Anyway, back to Belgium. If you dont have a good beach and Brussels isn’t liked much more than brussel sprouts, what do you do to draw in new tourists? Apparently, according to this HuffPost article (see below) , you build a room-hotel in the shape of a human colon. In fact you call it CasAnus and for some reason people want to come and sleep inside a large, medically accurate architectural recreation of your asshole. As far as I know they havent added an olfactory component or aromatherapy program that accurately depicts how it smells up in there, but that could be coming as they “squeeze out” new marketing strategies and gather venture capital. Of course everyone thinks I’m kidding (again) or believes I am exaggerating the insanity of our times, but look (or smell) for yourself. When they talk about “destination vacations”, how much cooler can it get for us Baby Boomers then the Presidential Suite at the CasAnus, delicious vegan diinner at the Colon Cantina, and an in-room hot stone massage and coffee enema? This is the kind of place you leave feeling clean, refreshed, and a lot lighter…mostly in the wallet.
Cliff Mazer, Ph.D. is a licensed Psychologist and 59 year old humorist living in Sandy Springs, Georgia. He likes Pirates and blogs on WordPress about zany topics relevant to Baby Boomers. Contact: 404-932-7193