Love and Sex Like Ketchup: Slow is Better

When it comes to love and especially sex you cant just “orchestrate” things to make it happen. Such intimacy, if it is to be genuine and not just “hooking up” as my kids would say, must be felt from the inside. Looking good and feeling attracted/attractive (chemistry) certainly helps but as any dating site veteran can tell you, once you actually meet and someone opens their mouth, it’s not what they say but how it makes you feel. Eventually we need to hear and “see” (think Avatar) the real person, their soul and spirit, and that’s what makes the music happen.

The psychological reasons and complex dynamics of love are still being debated. What is not debatable is that The Supremes were right when they sang “You Cant Hurry Love” (see link below). It IS a game of give and take. If you force it , try to fool yourself or others, or go too fast, you either end up like the perplexed linebaker from Notre Dame trying to explain why he fell in love with a gay ghost, or like the 70 year old Galapagos Tortoise, Dirk at the London Zoo. Apparently they tried to bring in a world class pianist to put the giant tortoises in the “mood” for love (photo link below). It was a spectacular failure, either due to the musical selection (Chariots of Fire, etc.) or the fact that tortoises that old dont give a shit about Vivaldi or jogging on the beach. The only thing the big guy responded to was carrots. In my case it would have been Triscuits..and maybe Viagra. 
Still, finding the right musical genre for lovemaking on cable TV is an ongoing challenge for many couples and it is always a bummer to have to stop everything to quickly turn off a boy band tribute version of Achy Breaky Heart and switch to ANYTHING else. Sensitive men know the feeling to which I refer, which is musically akin to ones mother knocking on the door as a teenager when said adolescent is “exploring” his sexuality, alone. Who knows, maybe for the ginormous mutant ninja turtles it wasn’t the piano music itself, but also the piano guy in coat and tails seated RIGHT in front of the glass tapping his toes to both the melody and the melodrama. That’s a lot of performance pressure. Somebody please get them a privacy curtain and a Viagra for God sakes….

About captaincliff

Psychologist by day, insomniac Pirate blogger by night, this Child of God likes to share sarcastic social commentary as well as topsy-turvy observations about life, love and the pursuit of zaniness, a functional form of insanity in an increasingly insane world
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