Clit Wit

 

clitwit1CaptCliff the lunatic pirate and Dr. Cliff the semi-respectable sex therapist came across this over sensationalized magazine article about the clitoris which led me to have to share it with readers and then make a few professional corrections and personal observations below:

The clitoris is the female sex organ that has one purpose and one purpose only… PLEASURE!

tamano_pene_clitoris

Yet it’s the most overlooked female body part!

Did you know that 29% of college women are unable to locate the clitoris on an anatomy diagram?
Could you imagine college students being unable to locate the penis on an anatomy diagram?  That’s unheard of…
70-80% of women reach orgasm via clitoral stimulation alone, so without this pleasure-giving organ, women be SOL when it comes to orgasms.
Here’s 7 interesting facts that you may have not known about the organ that makes women’s eyes roll into the back of their head:
  1. The clitoris is really a penis!

    The clitoris comes from the same embryonic tissue as a penis.  During the development phase (approximately 12 weeks), the genitalia decide whether or not they’re going to become a penis or labia based on the chromosomes it was dealt.  It’s components are similar to a penis as well… it has a glans, a foreskin (aka the hood), erectile tissue, and a tiny shaft.
  2. Only 1/4 of the clitoris is visible!

    Clitoris_anatomy_labeled-enThe clitoris is much bigger than you think!  Did you know the clitoris extends up to 5 inches inside the body and down the labia?  (The longest clitoris measured was 12 inches long in total! Wowza!)
    The legs of the clitoris extend back and down into the body and is shaped like a wishbone.  There are many erogenous areas along the clitoral legs that can be extremely erotic for women.  Most people focus all of their attention on the clitoral head, and skip over the clitoral shaft, the urethral sponge, vestibular bulbs, glands, and the legs.
  3. It gets an erection!

    The clitoris has erectile tissue just like a penis.  During arousal, it swells and grows in size due to blood flowing into the tissues.  As it swells, it gets exposed to even more nerve endings making it even more sensitive.  The amount of growth varies from woman to woman.
  4. It’s the most sensitive body part!

    The clitoris contains 8,000 nerve endings, nearly double that of the penis, and it can affect up to 15,000 other surrounding nerve endings giving women nearly 4x the amount of sensory receptors as men.  Yet way more women struggle with the ability to reach orgasm than men do… hmmm?
  5. If you don’t use it, you’ll lose it!

    If the clitoris goes unused, it will retreat into the body and the hood will fuse closed, known as clitoral atrophy.  Just like every other tissue in the body, the clitoris requires blood flow to stay happy and healthy.  So whatever you do – give your clitoris some love at least a few times a week.
  6. It grows!

    Hormonal changes lead to the clitoris growing over the course of a woman’s life.  The onset of puberty initiates the clitoris to increase in size.  At the end of puberty, it is about 1.8x larger.  By the time a woman is 32 years olds, the clitoris will be 4x as big as it was at the onset of puberty.  After menopause, the clitoris will grow to be 7x bigger than it was at birth.  But don’t worry, this growth is barely noticeable.
    However, women who have taken anabolic steroids actually grow their clitorises to look like mini penises.
  7. It NEVER ages!

    That’s right – your clitoris NEVER ages, despite how much wear and tear it has.  Once it reaches its maturity level, it maintains its pleasure capacity.  Which means that you’ll be able to have the same mind-blowing orgasms at 90 years old as you did as a teenager.

CaptCliff Sex Therapy Commentary:

Hmmm….. where do I start?  Hey, I agree. It’s good to teach people more about the clitoris. However, it’s also pretty important to make sure readers dont come away with even more misinformation and distorted expectations given the widespread ignorance that exists about sexual anatomy.  To wit about clits, some clarifications:

1) Do NOT be alarmed by the article’s unusual drawings, diagrams and shock jock  information. The clitoris is NOT a separate or independent plant, animal, or alien species. Nor is it a small Velociraptor or “walking penis” waiting to rear up it’s bobble head, reach full maturity and then jump off a woman’s body in search of carnal/carnivorous pleasure elsewhere. In fact, as far as we know the clitoris is flightless and non-ambulatory. Therefore, dont even think about going shopping for teeny-tiny shoes to fit the slender clitoral “legs” or feet the author mentions more then once. That was just weird.

2) Do NOT feel bad (like guys do) that you dont have a Guinness World Record 12-inch-long clitoris. The author, perhaps unwittingly (literally)  makes it sound like the bigger the better. A 12 inch clit would not only be unwieldy and difficult to incorporate into ones fashion wardrobe but likely to inspire unnecessary questions on hot dates such as, “OMG, what the fucking hell is that!!??” 

3) The clitoris is NOT a “chia pet” that magically swells up into the exact shape of a mini-dachshund or small but precise ornamental X-mas tree. The “variance” in clitoral growth during arousal from woman to woman is not so important to sexual functioning that it suggests even the need to measure your sex organ with a ruler or worry about it in the least.  However, I’m sure there are plenty men or female lovers who wouldn’t mind measuring it for you….over and over.

4) It’s absolutely true that there are a hell of a lot of sensitive nerve endings down there. It’s physiologically quite complicated and involves more cross-wiring and multi-sensory receptors than your typical Comcast jury-rigged set-up at home. Unfortunately, just like Comcast, the guys that come to your house typically misrepresent themselves as “experts”, are often unreliable, and dont know SHIT about what they’re doing in your “crawlspace.”

5) OMG! The clitoris is NOT a land tortoise. The head of the clit is not going to “retract” into it’s shell until springtime or hide out in your lower abdomen like a bad hernia. Sure, feel free to touch yourself whenever you want, but dont worry about having to water it, bring it flowers, or play it love songs so it wont get pissed off and go away for good.

6) Again with the growth stuff?! Who wrote this article? They are making it sound like the average clitoris is anatomically closely related to Godzilla’s Johnson and that women athletes who take steroids sport ginormous dongs under their sweatpants. Everybody calm down. Well, ok, maybe one or two East German Olympians do……..

7) Thank God! Finally something positive or that isn’t so easy to completely misinterpret. Even tho the author makes it seem like the clitoris is remarkably similar to a Goodyear tire, ie. wear and tear factor, fill capacity, recommended PSI level, etc., it is true that they can and should last a lifetime. In fact, if you happen to make it to 80 or 90 years old as mentioned, your clitoris will probably end up being your best looking physical feature. More important, at least to the average owner/end user, is the fact that the clitoris can “really take a lickin’ and still keep a tickin’.” Of course the same can be said of the male member as I know for a fact many guys intend to use that good-old-boy until the wheels literally fall off.       

Cliff Mazer, Ph.D., aka CaptCliff

About captaincliff

Psychologist by day, insomniac Pirate blogger by night, this Child of God likes to share sarcastic social commentary as well as topsy-turvy observations about life, love and the pursuit of zaniness, a functional form of insanity in an increasingly insane world
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2 Responses to Clit Wit

  1. Debby Simon says:

    Wait…TWELVE inches?? (And here I thought girls only had to deal with penis envy!)

  2. captaincliff says:

    In Yiddish accent: So nu? She needs a mohel more than she needs a boyfriend! Oy vey!

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