Ever hear of the psychological Dark Triad? I’m not talking about a place where people, airplanes, or sailing ships disappear. I’m referring to a certain type of deceptively deadly and highly seductive human being. Unlike large terrifying apex predators in the wild that prey upon slower, weaker or smaller game like giant Florida pythons, Grizzly bears, rattlesnakes and great white sharks there is to my knowledge only one psychological syndrome or mixed personality disorder that includes the ability to hide ones underlying predatory nature by initially presenting themselves as an unusually friendly, socially adept, hyper-sexual, seductive, charming, physically attractive adult or alternatively insecure, hurt, abused or neglected damsel in distress child like adult (waif) …or both. Only later does this beguiling individual find a way to inject their toxic hypnogogic gaslighting “venom” into their clueless Dudley-Do-Right rescuer/savior syndrome victims. Once accomplished, this femme fatale human chameleon with a scorpion tail will wait until its prey is sapped of it’s psychological and emotional strength, masculine (or feminine) personal identity, positive self-image and general will to resist. Even the dreaded black widow spider cant do all that. When the black widow does happen to devour her sex partner (which is actually not very often) it’s done out of sheer hunger and not because she actually enjoys the combination Olympic sport of sadism, carnal sex and cannibalism.

The psychiatric condition I am referring to is called Borderline Personality Disorder with Sociopathic features. Fortunately, most borderline patients (often but certainly not always female) do not suffer from this particularly predatory and treacherous character pathology. Fearful of abandonment and crippled by deep insecurity and self-loathing, the majority of individuals with BPD either “act-in” or “act-out”. Acting-in borderlines are prone to suicidal ideation, depression, “cutting” and self-mutilation. They more often see themselves as unnecessary burdens upon their friends, life-partners and families of origin. In contrast, acting out borderlines are even more overtly emotionally unregulated, labile and unstable with recurring episodes of seemingly unprovoked anger, rage and occasional violence. Intimate relationships are very often volatile, exhausting and difficult. Such extraordinary emotional hyper-reactivity is often associated with impulse control problems, ie. reckless spending, eating disorders and ongoing substance abuse issues. Usually triggered by deep-seated fear of abandonment or relationship failure, hypersensitivity to rejection or criticism (constructive or not) by loved ones or family members this borderline personality type travels a rocky road in life until a clear differential diagnosis is established and a proven form of therapeutic treatment is received (usually DBT skill training). Supportive psychotherapy alone isn’t going to be enough.

However, it is the extra addition of a sociopathic or antisocial character dimension that makes for a certain Dark Triad “hybrid” borderline personality. These would be the invisible colored rings on the sea snake or extra large but silent rattle on the rattlesnake. They not only act out their emotional issues in intensely emotional, defensive, aggressive or passive-aggressive ways but also do not feel much guilt or remorse about it. They are too busy achieving their Machiavellian goals of taking over the world or just the relationship and/or marriage with you as a convenient stepping stone to something or someone else. While still emotionally unstable, they are also remarkably adept at turning on and off certain emotions and utilizing charm and other prosocial (versus antisocial or immoral) behaviors …depending on what serves their self-centered needs and longterm purpose. The psychopathic borderline type is therefore more likely to conceal their basic insecurity, unstable always changing identity and psychological deficits under a facade of unusual physical and/or social attractiveness, likeability, sexual charisma and superficial charm. They are also more likely (depending on narcissistic tendencies) to exaggerate their achievements, their diverse resume of sexual conquests, professional employment, their creative, educational and intellectual accomplishments, and wide array of acquired “skill sets”. At the same time these individuals downplay important details about their volatile past relationships and the specific reasons for them having, for example, left a job, whether they were fired, quit impulsively or were sent packing for unethical, criminal, immoral or inappropriate behavior, etc. .  Dont be surprised if the actual reason turns out to be  inappropriate sexual behavior that was used to feed their inexhaustible need for attention, adoration, external validation or to complete some ingenious and carefully planned human flytrap scheme to obtain financial, physical or social/emotional support from various highly vulnerable and/or gullible family members, friends, coworkers, and especially  “able-bodied” men. Meanwhile, obtaining a clear, consistent and credible life history from such a person is amazingly difficult. They are some of the worlds greatest liars and escape artists…even when cornered and confronted with their deceit.

This type of person generally likes and superficially gets along with other women but usually only as a temporary comrade-in arms and opportunistic “wing buddy”. Fundamentally she prefers the way that men “taste” if you know what I mean. They also wont really care if a man is married, single, older, or in a serious relationship with someone else already as they subconsciously enjoy the challenge of taking what is not theirs from someone else, even someone they may be related to or may know very well. In this respect they could be considered professional home-wreckers and wholesale privateers who’s motto is “what’s mine is mine and what’s yours is mine too”. Like the infamous honey badger, when it comes to insuring their own survival and feeding their bellies psychologically, financially, emotionally, sexually or professionally, this fortunately rare hybrid borderline beast “just don’t care”, doesn’t feel bad about it and has little time, interest or ability to empathize. Of course all syndromes and clinical diagnoses lie on a continuum of severity and care must be taken to consider the possibility of other co-existing disorders particularly bipolar, ADHD, PTSD, substance abuse and impulse control disorders that have either an organic or genetic basis. Finally, if the clinical diagnosis becomes confusing keep in mind that repeated manipulation, deception, and straight up deceit are more prominent in BPD with sociopathic features while mood instability, emotional vulnerability and recurrent bouts of suicidality and self-hatred are more characteristic of BPD proper. Either way, men or women who choose to hook-up, live with or marry such an exciting and quite often sexually alluring and attractive creature are forewarned of the Disney-esque wild ride ahead. My suggestion is that one proceed consciously, cautiously and at ones own risk while always remembering to bring a sharp sword or battle axe, full body armor and really strong bear or bug spray. We’re talking Jurassic Park kind of primal fantasy/dream turned toxic snarling Velociraptor nightmare. Worse yet, once you are on the lush tropical island with these highly intelligent, unusually clever and fully carnivorous creatures there just may be no getting off Fantasy Island. The soon to be devoured big game hunter in Jurassic Park said it best, “Clever girl”.

Shelob from Lord of the Rings: https://youtu.be/ZKeEZWbCRVE