There is, to my knowledge, only one psychological syndrome or personality disorder that includes the ability to successfully hide ones basic predatory nature by initially presenting itself as a sweet, sexy, compliant, possibly abused or previously neglected child. Only later does this insidious and beguiling individual inject her toxic hypnogogic “venom” into her clueless rescuer-victim. Once accomplished, this human chameleon with a scorpion tail will wait until its prey is sapped of it’s emotional vitality, masculine (or feminine) self-image, and general will to resist. Even the dreaded mate-consuming black widow (spider) cant do all that, and when she does devour her sex partner/hubby (which is actually not that very often) it’s done out of sheer hunger and opportunity and not because she enjoys the combined sport of sex and cannibalism.
The psychiatric condition I am referring to is called Borderline Personality Disorder with Sociopathic features. Fortunately, most borderline patients, whether they be male or female (usually female) do not suffer from this particularly treacherous character pathology. Fearful of abandonment and crippled by insecurity and underlying self-loathing, the majority of those with BPD either “act-in” or act-out”. Acting-in borderlines are prone to suicidal ideation, depression, cutting and self-mutilation,etc. They more often see themselves as burdens on their friends, life-partners, and families. In contrast, acting out borderlines are more overtly emotionally labile and psychologically unstable with recurrent episodes of seemingly unprovoked anger, rage and occasional violence. Intimate relationships are very often volatile and difficult. Such extraordinary hyperreactivity is often but not always associated with concomitant substance abuse issues and are triggered by deep-seated fears of failure, rejection and abandonment.
It is the extra addition of the sociopathic or antisocial dimension that makes for the possibility of a rather different or “hybrid” borderline personality who not only acts out their emotional issues in intensely emotional, defensive, aggressive or passive-aggressive ways, but also doesn’t feel a lot of guilt or remorse about it. While still emotionally unstable, they seem at times to also be able to turn certain feelings and behaviors on and off depending on what best serves their immediate needs and longterm purpose. The more psychopathic borderline type is more likely to conceal their basic insecurity, unstable identity and psychological deficits under a facade of self-confidence, physical attractiveness and superficial “charm”. They are also more likely to talk about or exaggerate their sexual conquests, their diverse resume of professional employment, their creative and intellectual accomplishments, and their wide array of “skill sets”. At the very same time these individuals downplay details about past relationships and reasons for their having left a job, whether they were fired for any specific reason or were sent packing for criminal, immoral, or inappropriate behavior, etc. Dont be surprised if the actual reason turns out to have been inappropriate or excessive sexual behavior that was used to feed their near inexhaustible need for physical attention, adoration, validation or to set up an ingenious trap (spider web) to obtain financial, physical, and/or social support from vulnerable (and gullible) friends, coworkers, and especially “able-bodied” men. Obtaining a clear, consistent and credible psychosocial history from such a person is unusually difficult and somewhat diagnostic.
This type of woman likes other women as temporary comrades-in-arms and opportunistic “wing buddies”, but prefers the way that men taste..if you know what I mean. They also wont care if a man is married, single, older, or in a serious relationship as they seem to enjoy the challenge of taking what is not theirs from someone else, even someone they may know quite well socially or professionally. In this respect they could be considered professional “home-wreckers” and wholesale “privateers”. Like the honey badger, when it comes to insuring their own survival and feeding their bellies psychologically, emotionally, sexually or professionally, they just “don’t care” and have little ability to empathize. All syndromes and clinical diagnoses lie on a continuum of severity and care must be taken to consider the possibility of other co-existing disorders, particularly Bipolar, ADHD, substance abuse and impulse control disorders that have either an organic or genetic basis. Finally, if the clinical diagnosis becomes confusing, just keep in mind that repeated manipulation, deception, and deceit are more prominent in BPD with sociopathic features while mood instability, emotional vulnerability and recurrent bouts of self-hatred more characterize BPD proper. Either way men or women who choose to hook-up or even marry such an exciting and very often attractive specimen are forewarned to proceed at their own risk and please remember to bring a sharp sword and really good bug spray.
Shelob from Lord of the Rings: https://youtu.be/ZKeEZWbCRVE