Will Whoever Was NOT Molested By Jerry Sandusky Please Stand Up

Disclaimer: The following blog was just written under the influence of Benedryl, antihistamine gel, 800 mgs of Ibuprofen and possibly a Viagra pill I mistakenly thought was for allergy relief. I took them all after being stung twice by Yellow Jackets in my front yard. They are vicious little stinging/flying insects that show no mercy. Maybe I should check on the three Mexican guys I hired to spread the mulch with me. I dont hear any more screaming or cursing in Spanish outside. I guess I’ll know in less then four hours if I took the wrong toxic medicine for the wrong problem. No big deal, so to speak……My typing is DEFINITELY off as I’m having to go back and forth with the DELETE, SHIFT and BACK keys. Wait, there is no BACK key…..is there??

Will whoever was NOT molested by Jerry Sandusky please stand up…

In a stunning new development Jerry Sandusky’s own attorney, Joe Amendola as well as LeBron James, Dennis Rodman, Joe Namath, Rodney King, King Frederic the Great and the entire Swedish royal family have come forward to say that the assistant coach at Penn State had molested them in the past. Karen Klein, the so called “bus lady” in the viral video denied that anything physical or sexual occurred, but did add that, “he (Jerry) has a really foul mouth when no one is around”. Apparently all of the incidents occurred in the basement of  Sandusky’s modest split level home while his wife slept through it and was completely unaware of what was going on.

“I thought he was just going down to the kitchen to eat crackers, cheese and Chinese leftovers late at nite. I really didn’t think the blood curling screams and cries for help were anything that serious.”, Sandusky’s wife, Dottie told reporters outside the Centre county courthouse only minutes after the guilty verdict was reached.

Two male jurors have also threatened to file civil charges against the defendant saying that Mr. Sandusky repeatedly attempted to enter their hotel room at the Holiday Inn through a second story window while the jury was sequestered during the three week trial.  One of the jurors, now a graduate student at Penn State added that Jerry Sandusky “begged us to please cuddle” while reading aloud his autobiography entitled, “Touched”. The unnamed jurors post-trial statements were independently corroborated by  a hotel maid who says she recognized the man lurking outside the lobby as the former Penn State coach because, “His picture is all over the internet and he’s got really weird old man teeth”. The district attorney’s office had no comment on the most recent allegations but a spokesman for Bellefonte county where the court house is located did casually admit, “Why doesn’t somebody just put this fool out of his misery and save the taxpayers money? I mean this is a difficult time economically and we all have to come up with practical ways to trim state and county costs. We just plain cant afford all these trials and related legal fees. Plus, this guy is a total douchebag”.

About captaincliff

Psychologist by day, insomniac Pirate blogger by night, this Child of God likes to share sarcastic social commentary as well as topsy-turvy observations about life, love and the pursuit of zaniness, a functional form of insanity in an increasingly insane world
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2 Responses to Will Whoever Was NOT Molested By Jerry Sandusky Please Stand Up

  1. It’s actually a nice and useful piece of information. I am satisfied that you just shared this helpful info with us. Please stay us informed like this. Thank you for sharing.

    • captaincliff says:

      You see people…this is what I am talking about. I write a blog about Jerry Sandusky and my Viagra induced state of mind, and some random Ukrainian e-bot that is related to a stone quarry and polished marble fireplace company responds with something that resembles English but really is only a European/electronic approximation. Let’s see, how should I respond to my loyal readership at Los Angeles masonry? How about: I like your shiny finishes and curves too…..

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