Masters of decapitation and Hollywood-style marketing, ISIS, the marauding band of black-clad Jihadists are said to be in high level talks with Disney execs regarding plans to partner in a one-of-a-kind theme park joint venture near Bagdad. Negotiations continue while ISIL troops mass on the outskirts of the Holy city and deploy heavy artillery and mortar fire. The theme park is tentatively to be called “Jaffar: Bad-Ass Thieves of Bagdad”. Sales and marketing teams hired by the highly ambitious terrorist group have conducted numerous surveys and focus groups just prior to burning and beheading dozens of Kurdish militiamen, Syrian clerics and human rights workers. Social media has also been utilized to identify the features target consumers associate with “Radical Islam”, “religious zealotry”, “ritual slaughter” and “evil incarnate”. So far a general vision for the entertainment facility involves an IMAX theater-sized depiction of ISIS brigades rising out of the desert sand to destroy the three-headed dragon of Capitalism, Zionism, and Obama.
ISIS reps and Disney production staff claim to be “100% committed to a full-scale digital domain and action arena”; one that will serve the comprehensive needs of their radicalized brethren and the many demented European tourists who will predictably romanticize brooding terrorists. Such grand Disney-esque aspirations not only inspire great fear and trembling among it’s imperialistic enemies but also considerable anticipation and excitement in young and impressionable schoolchildren as full-scale mock-ups of hand-to-hand urban fighting, mass killings, live beheadings and regularly scheduled raping and pillaging of secularized women is likely. While still in the planning stages, a slew of Hollywood actors, agents, directors and social media specialists have already applied for information regarding future job openings. One applicant who wished to remain anonymous commented, “At first I wasn’t used to the core competency application questions like, “Have you ruthlessly and violently killed anyone before?” and “How often have you personally carved the turkey at Thanksgiving?”, but once I got the hang of what they were looking for it wasn’t so bad.”