captaincliff

My three sons, aged 21 to 25 often accuse me of “bottom-lining”. After conducting a futile google search, I realized I needed to ask them what they meant by that. Briefly, and I paraphrase, they meant I like to offer glib responses to current events, often but not always having to do with professional sports, that make it seem like I know more than I actually do. For example, last nite while cooking steaks and burgers on the griill for my assorted progeny and their gfs, I offered the following question/comment about the NBA finals between Dallas and Miami: “Well, it’s not like any one player is dominant so far, am I right?!!”  My sons, knowing my pitiful lack of basketball knowledge all rolled their eyes simultaneously and made a collective sigh that said volumes, but primarily meant, “Dad is such a poser! He doesnt know shit about B-ball. He’s bottom-lining again!!”   Ok, they were right…..this time. I am capable of engaging in man talk that is designed to: 1) keep interesting social dialogue going while I burn the barbecue and 2) cover for the fact that I sometimes dont know much about things others care alot about. So there it is, a public mea culpa….They should get a big kick out of that. 

However, now that I’ve got the confession part out for all to see, read and possibly use against me later, allow me to argue why cutting to the chase, or bottom-lining may not be a bad thing, especially when it comes to certain subjects, objects, persons and topics of interest. Let me also say one more thing about this bottom-lining label that I now own and wear with pride. Well, maybe not wear with pride, but also not exactly shlep around with like a scarlet B upon my chest either.

 In this complicated pluralistic world, I find it increasingly odd (and irritating) that people arent willing to say what they really think and stick to their opinion. On the other hand, i find it just as strange that so many folks arent willing to listen to reason and common sense, and if convinced otherwise, be amenable to changing their viewpoint, even if it means being initially WRONG.  Everybody loves to play the extremes by either being absolutely certain (as in “you cant change my mind”) or dont want to cut through the crap and say what is obviously the more obvious truth. This seems to be the real mental disease of the decade, along with the proliferation of psychiatric labels and Big Pharma drugs used to treat the plethora of popular new diseases, ie. bipolar, ADHD, love and sex addiction, borderline,etc.The very partisan nature of politics and professional life makes the situation even worse. As a licensed psychologist, alot of people expect me to use the in vogue labels and diagnostic categories, like Dr. Drew Pinsky does on TV. Let me cut to the chase and say this. I think Dr. Drew is a sham and a dickwad. He thinks everyone has an addiction and sees sex abuse behind every single case and corner like George Bush frantically looking for Weapons of Mass Destruction (WMDs) under every Iraqi picnic table and behind the drapes at the White House or Saddams sleazy overdone palaces.

Why is it every new news event, whether it is Anthony Weiner’s weiner or Swartzenegger’s shlong gets turned into a political debate about party politics or a personality disorder?  I could bottom-line it and say its the fault of the highly polarized news media and the crazed TV talking heads like Dick Morris, Ann Coulter, Glenn Beck, Bill O’Reilly, Bill Maher, etc.. who are trotted out like a matched set of Sesame Street characters on steroids to argue with each other and convince us that stupidity is highly correlated to ones voter registration card. Here’s another mea culpa for you.  I dont vote, and its not cuz I eschew the polarization of American political discourse. It’s because I dont want to get called to jury duty and have to waste my day waiting for my turn to convince someone that either I’m too crazy or too willing to vote GUILTY merely for WASTING MY TIME! They can keep the lousy 25 bucks cuz I think Casey Anthony is guilty as sin, Arnold is an Uber-groper, and Anthony Weiner loves himself and his cell phone way too much. There, I said it. I guess I am a bottom-liner….and slightly proud of it. I guess that’s why I call myself a Pirate Psychologist and my new viewpoint Pirate Psychotherapy. We all need to practice cutting to the chase and telling it like it is. If we mess up, or God forbid are wrong about something, we should be held accountable and own it fully….or walk the proverbial plank.  Arrgghh!!

My theory is that Cindy Anthony ( a somewhat controlling and critical person who normally pretends like everything is normal, “fine” and in control) violently confronted Caycee Anthony on June 15th, ended up choking her and screaming about the stolen money from the grandparents nursing home funds and subequently threatened Caycee’s parental rights by accusing her of being an “unfit mother”. In retaliation, Caycee left the house with Caylee and something “snapped” in her sociopathic head that led her to act on violent fantasies and delusional beliefs she had already been having for several months (see internet searches), including the idea that she would rather see Caylee dead than have her in her parents primary care and custody. Underlying this thought was the subconscious notion that her life would be much easier and her social relationships (both romantic and with friends) better if she was unencumbered by her role as a single mother, a role she never really wanted at age 19 or 20. The info below describe her antisocial personality (psychopath) to a T. The most dangerous and insidious type of sociopath is the “malignant personality”.  They are the type of psychopath that have enough intelligence and social skills to exhibit a relatively normal yet superficial social facade. They are capable of violence when thwarted or publicly exposed, habitually lie, cheat, and steal and can adapt like chameleons to the social demands of the environment they live in. They spend a lifetime learning to be charming and talking their way in and out of problems, dilemmas, and sticky situations of their own making. Their pulse rate and blood pressure remain normal in situations that would typically stress the shit out of the rest of us. The father George’s role? Typically subservient to his understandably stressed out and controlling second wife, Cindy, he is a basically decent guy and a money grubbing shlub (who contributed to their mounting financial debts due to secretive internet gambling, a year long affair with one of the rescue workers, etc.) and who at times lies out of personal convenience and/or “fails to remember” things properly. His recollection of Caycee leaving with Caylee during the day on july 16th while he was watching a cooking show on tv is his most blatant lie, done to cover-up the significance of the kind of overt threats, and other incriminating things that were said between Cindy and Caycee the night before. Statements from Cindy like, “We will take Caylee away from you!” or outbursts from Caycee like, “You will never see Caylee again!!” would be the type of things that George would like very much to NOT remember and thus, was willing to lie about to protect himself, his wife and his daughter. Both he and Cindy refused to take lie detectors tests. The fact that he subsequently contemplated suicide is a strong sign of this internal conflict he carries. Now with Caycee’s charges of sexual abuse……he just adds it to his long suffering shlub plate. Now wait and watch brother Lee’s hair turn prematurely gray/silver just like his father George.  Sex abuse, while horrible, is not relevent to this case. Whether Caycee killed Caylee and knew it was wrong and criminal IS the point, and she DID. She is hugely disturbed, but is not crazy. Guilty as charged. Next case. Now can we please flash fry Dr. Drew for getting so out of his league and being such a cloying, pedantic sell-out. Go back to your spoiled celebrity narcissism rave and recovery spa. Please take Nancy Grace with you. She hasnt gotten over her own trauma. No, not her fiance’s death, I mean when she was a kid and someone yanked away her soap-on-a-rope microphone right out of her ham-handed little fists. She would have made a great MC at a lynching. I dont know whose devoted fans I hate more, hers or Glen Becks…..

Psychopath:    Whereas we might occasionally tell a white lie, a psychopath’s lying is compulsive. Most of us experience some degree of guilt about lying, preventing us from exhibiting such behavior on a regular basis. “Psychopaths don’t discriminate who it is they lie to or cheat,” says Seto. “There’s no distinction between friend, family and sucker.”

Psychopaths also tend to switch jobs as frequently as they switch partners, mainly because they don’t have the qualities to maintain a job for the long haul. Their performance is generally erratic, with chronic absences, misuse of company resources and failed commitments. Often they aren’t even qualified for the job and use fake credentials to get it. Seto talks of a sociopath patient who would regularly get marketing jobs based on his image; he was a presentable and charming man who layered his conversations with educational and occupational references. But it became evident that the man hadn’t a clue what he was talking about, and was unable to hold down a job.  

Psychopaths don’t seek therapy willingly, says Seto. Rather, they’re pushed into it by a desperate relative or by a court order. To a psychopath, a therapist is just one more person who must be conned, and the psychopath plays the part right until the therapist is convinced of his or her ‘rehabilitation.’

Even though we can’t treat psychopaths effectively with therapy, it doesn’t mean we can’t protect ourselves, writes Hare. Willson agrees, citing the most important factor in keeping psychopaths at bay is to know your vulnerabilities. We need to “realize our own potential and maximize our strengths” so that our insecurities don’t overcome us. Because, she says, a psychopath is a chameleon who becomes “an image of what you haven’t done for yourself.” Over time, she says, “their appearance of perfection will begin to crack,” but by that time you will have been emotionally and perhaps financially scathed. There comes a time when you realize there’s no point in searching for answers; the only thing is to move on.

Taken in part from MW — By Caroline Konrad — September 1999

THE MALIGNANT PERSONALITY:

These people are mentally ill and extremely dangerous! The following precautions will help to protect you from the destructive acts of which they are capable.

First, to recognize them, keep the following guidelines in mind.

(1) They are habitual liars. They seem incapable of either knowing or telling the truth about anything.

(2) They are egotistical to the point of narcissism. They really believe they are set apart from the rest of humanity by some special grace.

(3) They scapegoat; they are incapable of either having the insight or willingness to accept responsibility for anything they do. Whatever the problem, it is always someone else’s fault.

(4) They are remorselessly vindictive when thwarted or exposed.

(5) Genuine religious, moral, or other values play no part in their lives. They have no empathy for others and are capable of violence. Under older psychological terminology, they fall into the category of psychopath or sociopath, but unlike the typical psychopath, their behavior is masked by a superficial social facade.