captaincliff

Really? Is this what social media and web journalism have finally come to? How pathetic is it, and how desperate for user “hits” and internet “traffic” is the Huffington Post anyway?

Yesterday, I was surfing the internet for basic information about dinosaurs in a futile but game attempt to avoid important life decisions and adult responsibilities. There was some generic dinosaur story posted (dont ask me what it was about because that was nearly 24 hours ago) and when I clicked on it I was IMMEDIATELY sent to a slide show link (see below) on “dinosaur sex”.  Yes, DINOSAUR SEX. I didn’t even ask to see or preview the shocking and hellacious depictions of Jurassic Park creatures copulating before the graphic multi- image “show” began flashing before my eyes automatically, leaving literally NOTHING to ones imagination or to natural history’s private desk drawer. Once I regained my composure and realized I was now probably on a secret FBI database as a life long dedicated dinosaur porn user, I surrendered to my innate curiosity and learned a thing or two.

For example, I learned that dinosaurs do it from behind, like all domestic farm animals and Jenna Jameson. I also learned that most dinosaurs didnt even have penises. Instead, both male and females had “cloacas”, best described as all-purpose body cavities that were used for copulation, urination, and defecation. Um, ewww…

You could have blown me over with a Pteradactyl feather, if they indeed did have feathers, which they probably did not. This was all incredible new information, even for myself, CaptCliff, Dr. Mazer, the licensed sexologist and certified sex therapist and possible now unintentional dinosaur pervert. For some reason, and I say this with great shame and embarrassment, I figured that almost all of those enormous dog bone shaped fossils they find in Utah or Uganda were either Brontosaurus femurs or random prehistoric penises left for posterity, so to speak.

As a boy, around age ten or eleven, I distinctly remember going to the Field Museum of Natural History in Chicago and standing agog beneath “Sue” the largest, most complete and best-preserved Tyrannosaurus rex in the world. My next thought back then was, “If she’s that big, how big was her boyfriend, and….how big was his dino dong??!!   At 13-foot-tall and 42-feet-long not counting her razor-sharp teeth and massive legs, the mental image of Mr. Sue and his Triassic shlong was “daunting”, especially to a boy my age, with or without a fledgling sized Portnoy’s Complaint complex….. Talk about penis envy. I guess what I really learned is that we need more dinosaur sex education for human beings, and the scholarly Huffington Post intends to teach us all the down and dirty about dinosaurs, whether we like it or not.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/07/09/dinosaur-sex_n_1659391.html

Boomer Rants: Part Dieu, by Cliff Mazer, Ph.D.

I dont really care what famous people like Tom Brokaw, Alan Rosenberg or Morgan Fairchild have to say about Baby Boomers. Sure, there are some undeniable truths and pithy observations to be made in various PBS specials and television programs that aim to define this noteworthy generation (those born between 1946 and 1964) of which I am a proud member.

However, several important less publicized facts remain:  1) Baby Boomers, in general, dont particularly like being called Baby Boomers all that much. We know what it means sociologically and demographically, but too often it makes us sound like two things we dont see ourselves as: people getting older and being characterized as “homogeneous”. Homosexual is just fine and so are descriptions like “young at heart” but homogeneous, as in “all alike” and not unique is a total bummer.

2) Not only do Boomers not appreciate efforts by the media or various celebrities to typecast our place in history (either as naive idealistic fools or as game changers as far as music, sex, drugs, and societal values/ morality are concerned) but such broad brush strokes and generalizations often dont apply.

To be sure, Woodstock was a defining musical event and the 1967 Summer of Love in San Francisco did capture the essence of a certain cultural imperative and movement for social change, but many of us either plain missed it, caught only the tail end, or more striking, were simply not inclined to do as Timothy Leary suggested by “tuning in, turning on and dropping out.”  Furthermore, older Baby Boomers and younger ones bear relatively few similarities and display rather significant differences. Think about it. Kids born in 1946 are pretty obviously different from people born in 1963. They danced to music as wildly disparate as the Platters or Bobby Vinton versus The Bee Gees and Joan Jett and the Blackhearts.

Mid-generation Boomers, such as myself, born in 1953, epitomize more of the stereotypical Rock and Roll turned hippie turned disenchanted investment banker (or psychologist) trajectory….while still clinging to an annoying social conscience and latent fantasies about tropical islands and Utopian communities (with nice amenities of course). The older Boomers are generally less spoiled and narcissistic and felt blessed to just survive the War in Viet Nam. They lived through the historic events comically portrayed in the movie Forrest Gump. The younger generation of Baby Boomers, in contrast, know how to use their iPhones and digital devices instinctively. Baby baby boomers grew up watching the Breakfast Club and personally related to the Brat Pack “coming of age” movies in the 1980s.  Collectively, all of us spoiled the crap out of our kids, got our butts kicked by the lousy economy and are fully responsible for the latest wave of teenagers and young adults who have over-sized, unusually dexterous thumbs, text each other constantly, cannot sustain a real conversation and immediately call a plumber when the toilet clogs, even just a little bit.

In retrospect, not many of us Baby Boomers, whether older or younger, were smart or prescient enough to actually consider becoming a licensed plumber who by now would have OWNED his/her own tropical island with off the grid solar energy, high tech Japanese toilets AND a well-stocked Tiki Bar. We also know we cant go back. We realize we should have bought land, any land, and especially wish we had kept our vintage toys. On the other hand, who could blame us for not knowing to keep the “mint condition” boxes they came in too? They dont call it hindsight for nothing. If there is anything every Baby Boomer has in common, it’s hindsight vision and the urge to kick ourselves for all the stuff we tossed out that is now worth a small FORTUNE. However, we dont regret all the relatively worthless cultural debris, ie. old menus, old photos, old roach clips, and Presidential campaign buttons, etc. we insist on keeping in our dresser drawers both to remind us of all the fun we had as well as what very special and unique people we are.

Cliff Mazer, Ph.D. is a licensed Clinical Psychologist living in Atlanta Georgia. He writes a boomer related blog under the psuedonym CaptainCliff at https://captaincliff.wordpress.com/
and he has an inexplicable love of all things Pirate.  Contact: 404-932-7193

I just finished watching another Shark week episode, which has pretty much convinced me to stay pool side next week when I take my once a year (if I’m lucky) vacation to Longboat Key, Florida. In fact, I may carry an automatic weapon INTO the swimming pool on account of Great White sharks and their superior intelligence as well as unrivaled capacity for surprise attacks. There is NO WAY I’m going to be taken by surprise while casually shelling on the pristine white sand beaches of either Longboat or Siesta Key by a bull shark dressed as a life guard who attempts to drag me behind a sand dune and have his way with me.

At my mid Baby Boomer age I dont have the stamina or physical strength of those buff young Aussie surfers in the TV series who manage to fend off Jaws sized sharks, killer jellyfish and man-eating crocodiles (before going out later to drink beer with their mates and eat shrimp on the barbie). The loss of a limb or two may be a “badge of courage” in Perth, but it’s a distinct disadvantage in the suburbs of Atlanta, Georgia.

Instead, we, the rapidly aging, must rely on our wits and stealth. For example I noticed at Starbucks this morning that I was absolutely invisible to any woman under the age of 40. Perhaps this camouflage technique could be put to good use on my upcoming beach vacation, like when it’s time to pay the bill in Florida for my perennially overpriced crab dinner at Moore’s Stone Crab Restaurant, or after stuffing my face with the last gooey remnants of my exquisite pan seared duck and garlicky Caesar salad at Euphemia Haye. Unfortunately, even if I manage to blend in like a stealthy ocean floor Cephalopod, the servers will no doubt still smell my garlic breath and unmistakable hints of “oak, berries and leather” from the house Cabernet on my invisible beard. So I will willingly surrender my AMEX card and not be offended when my AARP membership (as usual) gets me nothing off the bill.

Oh well, it’s “all good” as they say…. Plus, I just saw a brief You Tube video about a “Total Body Lift” procedure (see absurd link below). Apparently,  it wont matter how much you eat in the near future. They can just take out whole gaping sections of your body and staple you back up, thus defying advancing age, gravity, sloth and my personal favorite total gluttony. To be honest, the video looks an awful lot like what the Great White Sharks do to surfers and other idiots wearing black rubber wet suits bearing an invisible sign that says, “I look just like a yummy Seal! Bite me.”  I think I’ll just stick to being stealthy at Starbucks and gnawing on my fancy duck dinner in Longboat. Feel free to call me chicken.

http://www.5min.com/Video/Total-Body-Lift-Animation-114222996

Sometime in the future they will probably uncover and reveal a connection between Jerry Sandusky, The Second Mile Foundation that he helped establish, and a formal/informal ring of wealthy pedophiles or so called Penn State Football”boosters/supporters”.

I’m not saying that the Second Mile was nothing but a bogus sham, but that Sandusky used it purposely to find and groom young, vulnerable victims.  He may have also had knowledge and contact with a select number of other adults with similar proclivities. People want to know exactly what Penn State and Joe Paterno wanted so badly to “cover-up” by remaining so passive for so long, and for allowing Sandusky so much freedom from earlier prosecution and/or a more in depth criminal investigation.

This (below) is one of the possible people/connections they didn’t want revealed or investigated because its as BAD or WORSE than Sandusky himself. It is so weird and disgusting in its specific details that Penn State Athletics, especially given it’s squeaky clean reputation, may have just hoped it would all go away when this guy died of AIDS in 1993 and when the Tickle Monster officially retired. Personally I dont believe that Joe Paterno understood the magnitude of the problem and that his particular background (personality, age, ethnicity, and religion) precluded him from grasping what was really going on in those showers between Sandusky and those young boys. I dont think he (Paterno) believed grown men or former athletes could ever do something like that.

This is a case of psychological DENIAL and rationalization at the highest institutional levels. People dont see what they dont WANT to see and others, like the janitors, say nothing for fear of losing their jobs and their livelihoods. Penn State was worried about its sterling reputation…..and all the money that goes with it. The connection between Edward Savitz and a recent report of an eye witness on a private airplane with Sandusky and a “wealthy Penn State booster/businessman” both committing acts of child sex abuse is unknown at present.  Bottomline: It’s not just Dottie Sandusky who needs to open her eyes and recognize how there is often a dark side to life, to the historical narratives, and to people in general. We can do that without becoming completely paranoid and/or pessimistic, just more realistic.

Cliff Mazer. Ph.D.

FROM WIKIPEDIA:  Ed Savitz

Ed Savitz
Born    Edward Isadore Savitz
February 22, 1942
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, U.S.
Died    March 27, 1993 (aged 51)
Occupation    Actuary, Accountant
Edward Isadore Savitz (also known as Uncle Eddie, Fast Eddie and Dr. Feel Good) (February 22, 1942 – March 27, 1993) was an American businessman who was arrested for paying thousands of young men for either engaging in anal and oral sex or for giving him dirty underwear and feces, which he kept in pizza boxes in his Philadelphia apartment.

Biography

Early life

Ed Savitz was one of four sons by Jewish Russian immigrants Paul and Ann Gechman Savitz. The Savitzes ran an amusement arcade in downtown Philadelphia. Ed ranked first in his class of 278 students, and voted most likely to succeed. He won a full scholarship to study economics at the University of Pennsylvania, but dropped out after two years. In 1967, also after two years’ study, he quit Temple University’s graduate school of music. In 1963, he married his high school girlfriend Judith Widman, who later became a lawyer, specializing in family law. They were divorced 10 years later. In 1981, his brother, Joseph, a lawyer who once served as a Deputy Pennsylvania Attorney General, used barbiturates to commit suicide. In 1968, his brother Samuel founded The Savitz Organization, an actuarial consulting firm specializing in retirement plans and other employee benefit programs. Ed later became the vice president.

[edit] Sexual Abuse

Ed Savitz had an apartment on Rittenhouse Square and for years was known by the male youth of the area through word of mouth as a quick source of cash. From as far back as 1975, he offered teenage boys money, concert tickets and football tickets for their soiled underwear, and various sexual acts including: oral and anal sex, slamming his penis in a door, penis sword fights, urinating on him, vomiting in his mouth and defecating in his mouth through a potty chair. reportedly kept the feces in pizza boxes in his apartment. He told the boys to eat cheese to make the feces taste better.

Savitz mostly targeted boys from the Grays Ferry neighborhood and even had a St. John Neumann High School yearbook, which he used like a catalogue, circling the pictures of boys he wanted to see and promising referral fees for bringing them to him.

Arrest

Savitz was first arrested in 1978 on an indecent assault charge. His record was expunged after completed a rehabilitation program. In 1990, he was found not guilty on charges relating to the purchase of a minor’s soiled underwear.

The neighbors in his high-rise apartment building complained of young boys entering and leaving his apartment at all hours of the day and night. One neighbor described the boys she saw as mostly “heavy metal types,” who wore black leather clothes and chains and had long hair. Savitz told neighbors that he was a social worker, helping the boys.

Savitz’s third arrest followed a six-month investigation by the city’s sex-crime unit. By early March 1992, investigators had gathered enough evidence to install a wiretap and hidden video camera in his home. On March 25, detectives watched as Savitz offered to pay two 15-year-old boys for oral sex. Police burst into the apartment and took him into custody. Savitz was charged with crimes of involuntary deviate sexual intercourse, sexual abuse of children, indecent assault and corrupting the morals of a minor.

Police found 5,000 photographs of boys and 312 bags of soiled boy’s underwear at Savitz’s apartment and a rented storage center nearby. His arrest also caused an AIDS scare in the Philadelphia area due to the large number of individuals that he had sexual contact with. AIDS hotlines were flooded with calls after his photo was released.

Bail was set for three million dollars, and Savitz was released. He was arrested again the next day when bail was raised to twenty million dollars after complaints involving two teenagers were verified.

Although Savitz tested HIV-positive about a year before his arrest, he continued to have unprotected sex with boys until his arrest.

The trial was set to begin April 5, 1993, but Savitz died of AIDS in a prison hospice a week before on March 27.

[edit] Alleged Connection to Jerry Sandusky

After the Penn State sex abuse scandal, an article in the New York Daily News (cited below) featured allegations by one of Savitz’s alleged molestation victims that in 1979 Savitz brought the boy to a fundraiser near Harrisburg for the Second Mile Foundation, which had recently been established by Penn State Defensive Coordinator Jerry Sandusky. Savitz’s former attorney claims he is “unaware” of any communication Savitz ever had with Sandusky.[1]

[edit] References

^ http://www.nydailynews.com/sports/i-team/sex-abuse-victim-recalls-horrid-encounter-edward-savitz-associate-jerry-sandusky-article-1.1115909

Boomerangs and Boomer Rants

 I dont think of myself as mature. My parents are mature. Often, with a combination of horror and humor we Baby Boomers realize how we have screwed up as well as what we have possibly succeeded at. With the benefit of age and adversity we can look back and recognize how we too in our youth lacked a balanced understanding of “both sides”  and may have been at times both rude and reckless. But that is also why we have some great stories to tell around the collective campfire! Furthermore, that same admixture of grandiosity and self-deprecation is one of our defining Boomer traits. We (most often) dont regret our stumbling, bumbling, anti-authority, rock and roll, Beatle mania, Led Zeppelin drug induced journeys to aduIthood. The paradox however, lies in our conscious awareness of our now obvious hypocrisy, a human weakness we once railed against yet now are forced to accept as we struggle to keep our kids in line and off drugs, etc. Growing up for Baby Boomers has been a Karmic form of purpose and penance, one part narcissistic validation (which we love) and one part sad-sarcastic confessional for our unique brand of “hindsight wisdom”. We like to make fun of the world and we dont mind making fun of ourselves. That is our gift, and why many of us enjoy The Daily Show as much as our college kids.
 

Why the blog title Boomerangs? Because a lot of stuff we “threw out” into the world came back to bite us in the ass (and other places)…and we know it. Now we can laugh about it and still remain the unrepentant fools who came up with flawed mantras like, “Dont trust Anyone over 30!!” Now is the time to celebrate our many blunders as well as our irrepressible joy and optimism. We really wanted the world to be a better place with more Peace and Love and Rock and Roll. Through Facebook and other new-fangled forms of social media that we barely understand, we continue to connect and  share our common ground, a Mad Magazine inspired way of seeing all things using our generation’s warped lens and twisted sense of humor (think Mystery Science Theater crossed with Beany and Cecil). Let’s be honest, those indelible parts of our formative years and everything we smoked, ingested, and especially listened to on our stereos have never really left us and continues to haunt us like a beautiful, magical dream that is still not quite over. Indeed, some stuff we see today is clearly not of our generation, like Reality TV, but it still cracks us up because of what it represents. The world is still inhabited by mad tyrants, bombastic fools, snake oil salesmen, poor shlubs, egomaniacs, schlemiels and schlimazels.  The good news is that Show and Tell is not over yet and we still have a few good years before we have to circle the scooter chairs and fend off the Geritol salesmen. I for one would rather laugh, laugh until the dying of the light, and to accompany the light show there is an endless amount of awesome music.

1)  Since you probably dont think you are Narcissistic or have Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), even tho multiple significant others have told you so (including those who have known you at your very best and worst) you might want to set aside the grandiosity and ego for at least ten minutes to consider the remote possibility. It could be worse, like metastatic cancer. True, others have compared you to cancer in the past but dont get hung up on that either for the moment.

2)  Go through the following checklist below (plagiarized liberally from Psych Central) only this time with my help since the last time someone dropped the NPD symptom checklist in your lap or stuck a page from the DSM Manual under your door and ran like hell you probably dismissed it as “complete nonsense”, psychiatric mumbo jumbo, or pure jealousy on the part of the “offending” party, chicken shit courier, etc.

3) Narcissistic Personality Disorder is primarily characterized by a long-standing pattern of grandiosity (either in fantasy or actual behavior), an overwhelming need for admiration, and usually a complete lack of empathy toward others. Ok, so you KNOW all that (and a million other things) and you absolutely deny that is YOU because you are confident that you feel alot of empathy, well, not for your ex-wife, any girlfriends/partners who EVER broke up with you, or anyone who disagrees with you and has the nerve to stand up to you, but for all your pets, disabled children, stray dogs, and anyone who kisses your tush on a regular basis. It doesnt count as empathy unless its in the difficult situations and/or moments that suggest you may have been wrong, overly judgmental, reflexively defensive, felt  personally insulted or were “called on the carpet” publicly. Kind of changes things that way, doesn’t it?

Bonus point: You still might have NPD if you manage to keep your overflowing ego and desire to verbally humiliate/abuse those who cross you in check most of the time. If you catch yourself replaying situations in your head with real and/or imagined dialogue evicerating your perceived foes (often a former “loved one” or person you feel has “betrayed” you ) that’s still possibly NPD. Just a more “closet” case.

4) People with narcissistic personality disorder often display snobbish, disdainful, or patronizing attitudes. For example, an individual with this disorder may complain about a clumsy waiter’s “rudeness” or “stupidity” or conclude a medical evaluation with a condescending evaluation of the physician, dentist, psychiatrist or licensed marriage therapist. Sure the marriage therapist whose been in private practice for 25 years you deemed “merely a social worker” after he/she tried to get you to own a simple mistake, and yes, the psychiatrist who suggested you might be narcissistic only went to a “non-Ivy two bit med school”, according to you, but I am suggesting here that you dismiss your tendency to dismiss others and their “professional credentials” long enough to see yourself more clearly. Again, it wont kill you. Like a shot or two at the doctors office, it might just sting abit. But if you “take it” like a man, or even a grown up woman, you might even develop a future immunity and resistence to your unhealthy tendencies.

5)  Ok, here comes the hard part but if you are still reading, that ITSELF is a small but positive sign for your prognosis and eventual recovery (see follow-up blog for my suggested NMRP, Narcissist Maintenence and Recovery Plan). Also, let me say in advance I realize how very valuable your time is and that you could be doing a million more productive and beneficial things right now like strategizing with your attorney about  your long contested divorce and custody battle (bleed then dry, etc.) or as mentioned laying back and fantasizing obtaining revenge on all the people who you feel have “wronged” you over your lifetime. As a consequence you feel entitled to make them miserable using every “fiber of your being”. No, you are not a serial killer or someone who suddenly bursts into a movie theater and starts shooting. You are WAY more clever than that and you know how to get alot of people to agree with your ultimately self-serving views and egotistically unbalanced perspectives. Of course money and power helps.

NOW do this:  This time read the list of symptoms listed below but DONT let the wording or specifics to immediately disallow your from having NPD or some significant degree of narcissism based disorder. Dont worry, I’m not trying to FORCE you to check the box YES or MAYBE, even tho MAYBE, once you look closer at it,  is possibly probable (especially if your two ex-wives started a NPD survivors group together and your kids act at times intimidated by you and you have NO REAL CLUE WHY).

Bonus: Be careful If you catch yourself thinking, “No way, everybody loves my ass. They all agree with me and love my jokes, my charm, and my confident airs. I go fishing with my son regularly and I coach my kids soccer team”!! Unfortunately that doesnt prove anything except that you have a tremendously self-confident and extroverted front. Kind of like a dark knight with snazzy looking armor. This is one of those cases when you have to ask the fish, the bait store clerk (who has nothing to lose and is from Maine), the little girl who recognized that the Emperor wasn’t wearing any clothes, and any others who arent afraid of you, your money, your wealthy family or your work/community/church/legal connections. If the fish or the bait store clerk think you are a “sort of a douche” and your kids seem to shy away from being with you on their court mandated custody visits, dont ASSUME its ALWAYS the ex-wife’s fault for engaging in Parental Alienation Syndrome. In fact if you blame the ex for NOT catching any fish while “bonding” with your son, you definitely might have a narcissism problem.

Ok, Here we go. First take a deep breath and repeat outloud this unique MANTRA which I have created just for you (and me):  “I can own some shit. Everything bad that has happened in my life was NOT necessarily someone elses fault.  I will not fall apart and melt by honestly admitting to having all or some of the following traits. If Dr. Cliff can do it at his age, and given the immense size of his ego (and number of artfully framed diplomas and certificates on his wall) I can do it too.

Now, for the first time read this symptom list but make room for INCLUSION rather then EXCLUSION of self. Dont immediately say, “Bullshit, that’s not me, no way, no how!!” Instead, without stretching the description too far (like really being a demented Paranoid Schizophrenic but preferring to see yourself as NPD) see if some significant PART of the diagnositc criteria applies to you and ESPECIALLY under certain conditions and circumstances.

Dirty Secret of Psychiatry/Psychology: Increasingly therapists and researchers of Personality Disorders are aware that even tho personality disorders are considered life-long and fairly intractable, they can lessen or worsen with age, with levels of stress and in the presence of other coinciding problems like depression, untreated bipolar illness, and anxiety disorders. I guess we should have guessed that one all along as it’s perfectly logical. The more important point is to realize that you might have met the criteria below to a greater or lesser degree at certain times in the past, and partially as a function of maladaptive coping. HOWEVER, before you conveniently misuse that information, it’s unlikely that you are CURED today and never resort to NPD tactics and defenses, with or without major life stressors. By the way, forget the stupid “you must have five or more of the following” instructions. They (the shrinks writing and evaluating the DSM codes)  just made that shit up. Dont give yourself a Get Out of Jail Free card just because you have three or four symptoms below. It’s not like bronchitis, which I happen to have right now.

Symptoms of Narcissistic Personality Disorder: Taken from Psych Central (http://psychcentral.com/disorders/sx36.htm)

In order for a person to be diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) they must meet five or more of the following symptoms:

Has a grandiose sense of self-importance (e.g., exaggerates achievements and talents, expects to be recognized as superior without commensurate achievements)
Is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love
Believes that he or she is “special” and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people (or institutions)
Requires excessive admiration
Has a very strong sense of entitlement, e.g., unreasonable expectations of especially favorable treatment or automatic compliance with his or her expectations
Is exploitative of others, e.g., takes advantage of others to achieve his or her own ends
Lacks empathy, e.g., is unwilling to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others
Is often envious of others or believes that others are envious of him or her
Regularly shows arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes

Good Job. See that wasn’t that terrible. It is however, very important that you SEE and own up to the aforementioned Narcissistic qualities. Why? Because they color your world. They make you see not through rose colored glasses but through myopic spectacles and distorted lenses that blind you from the pain you inflict. If you still have no empathy reading THAT then I probably cant help you. You are the smarmy, well-connected, falsely self-assured, over-entitled version of the crazy mass murderer, only you usually do it emotionally and verbally, and typically with bluster not bullets. You do it with your money, your attorneys, and with your wealthy family and their “deep roots” in the community you came from. In fact, they probably taught you how to be this way, which is another reason its hard for you to see it or perceive yourself or your narcissistic coping patterns as shortsighted and WRONG. Sometimes it takes many years, alot of regret, and a good hard look at oneself (in the honestly mirror) to admit it. I did.

Cliff Mazer, Ph.D. is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist and self-perceived humorist in Sandy Springs, Georgia. He loves Pirates, blogs under the nom de plume of CaptCliff on WordPress, and is a recovering Narcissist with bronchitis.   Contact:  404-932-7193

Dear NASA,

At the very same time your magnificent Mars Rover, Curiosity, shakes the Martian dust off it’s multi-billion dollar high tech chassis and prepares to engage in a trillion groundbreaking experiments, I am stuck in bed with a bad head cold.

I am tremendously impressed that Curiosity and its MSL spacecraft traveled many millions of miles through the cold dark recesses of space before plunging to the Martian surface in what has been called “seven minutes of terror”. Watching billions of dollars go down the drain in a split second is terrifying to imagine. Such momentous gambles are best left up to the steely of heart, like Warren Buffett or Dick Cheney, who apparently is able to replace his own internal organs once they malfunction.

This whole scientific symphony was accomplished through a series of unbelievably precise maneuvers carried out remotely and by computer programs more complicated than the most complex ballet ever conceived. Meanwhile, my flat screen TV and remote control in my bedroom is not working and Comcast wont be able to come out to adjust my cable box until December 2013, well after the Mayan Apocalypse. How is that possible? NASA, could I please borrow the guy with the Mohawk for a couple hours to fix my TV and reprogram the remote control? I’m pretty sure the Curiosity Rover will be fully operational and on the move before I will. I feel like total crap and I want to watch Law and Order reruns in between big swigs of Nyquil.

Sincerely, Cliff Mazer

Finally, just in the nick of time and in the least probable of places we have a bona-fide solution to bestiality. I have attempted to warn my readers (both of them) that their petty obsession with climate change, nuclear proliferation, and gay marriage, of all things pales in comparison to the near global epidemic of people having sex with animals. In blog after blog I have trotted out the grisly details. Horses, dogs, sheep, lamb, donkeys, I could go on and on in a Noah’s Ark like rendition of sexual perversity that appears to be reaching a climax of sorts. Notice I haven’t even mentioned the inanimate objects like stuffed animals, oak trees and imitation leopard skin Huggies (my personal preference) that have increasingly been assaulted by sex crazed humans without their “sentient” consent. Let’s face it, it’s hard for a Care bear or a crocodile to give it’s consent, but I notice that nobody is trying to take advantage of a lady crocodile, so that should tell you something. Apparently there is an enormous amount of denial in society, even in these significantly more liberal times about the spreading preference for domestic livestock over similar or even matching species for quick and dirty sex.

The small nation of Bali, with it’s beautiful beaches, tropical climate and ubiquitous creative arts and crafts has lead the way in coming up with a proactive and well, creative solution. They are making the man marry the cow. That’s right. He was forced to marry the cow in a formal ceremony with priests, guests and all the matrimonial “trimmings”. Bali has always been a favorite of wealthy people who seek an exotic locale to consummate their marital vows, altho I suspect the aforementioned ceremony did not take place at the well-heeled Anantara Resort and Spa. Disclaimer: From reading the article below, It is apparent that this tiny nation’s courageous attempt to make inter-species unions legal still has a few kinks in it, so to speak. It is reported that the young groom, Ngurah Alit passed out before pledging his undying love for Daisy and the townspeople in a fit of celebratory passion decided to drown the cow. Down here in the South where I live we would have just slow roasted and barbecued the bride to be. That’s some good eatin’, dammit!!

http://www.digitaljournal.com/article/329632

Read more: http://www.azcentral.com/news/articles/2012/08/03/20120803california-doctor-taped-naked-patients.html#ixzz22svSp65H

Posted on August 6, 2012 by captaincliff

And it makes me wonder…. Way back when, there appeared to be only two basic kinds of Baby Boomers. You remember us, right? We’re the large group of gray and balding men and women who used to be long haired hippies who smoked pot, attempted to play the guitar (only a few of us ever really could) and wanted to change the world. Yes, there were a few straight laced conservative people our age who looked at us as disobedient weirdos, but by and large THEY were the  “queer” and uptight ones who clung to our parents values, voted for Richard Nixon, and marched proudly into combat in Vietnam ….never to be seen again. Oh yeah, keep in mind that “queer” back then had a different connotation than what it means today. Back then it meant you preferred Perry Como and Andy Williams records to the Beatles, Led Zeppelin and the Rolling Stones.  We also correctly surmised the existence of alternate realities and sometimes used hallucinogens like LSD to explore the many sided mirrors and doors of perception, both ordinary and non-ordinary.

Over the years, strangely, this “split” or bifurcation of types of Baby Boomers has morphed into many different things. Now there are multiple mirrors revealing our fundamental differences. Some of us are now staunch Republicans (no, not me), some are knee-jerk liberals. Some are for more government, others for less. Some of us feel immediately bad for drunk homeless people and others think, “That’s a shame, but he should get a job and stop drinking!” Often they are good-natured differences, ones we can humorously argue about on Facebook forums and sarcastically call or text one another to say, “I know. I was there with you at the University of Colorado protesting the war and simultaneously trying to get laid too. You looked ridiculous with a beard and no mustache back then, man. Well, so did you!”

Sometimes our political differences get more heated and we end up sounding like the paid pundits arguing on TV, but then, just like them after the commercial break, we can usually shake hands and go out for a drink together. We recognize our philosophical differences but remember our shared place in history. I suspect we also know and mourn silently together in our culturally induced narcissism and idealistic losses. What I mean is we didn’t succeed in changing the world like we wanted to. We kind of know we sold out at some level. The larger system is essentially the same as it always was and most of us gave up chanting anti-war slogans, Hare Krishna prayers, and Transcendental  Meditation mantras and eventually joined country clubs, synagogues and brokerage houses just like our parents did. We became more interested and obsessed with making money and understandably in our own family’s economic survival. Creativity and living a care free, free spirited existence went to the same place our long hair and hippie beads went…..on the floor and in a drawer.

I’m not saying that’s such a bad thing. It’s just that many of us didn’t think when we were young that would happen. We were like the sweet natured Eloi  tribe in the old 1960 movie The Time Machine. We thought, metaphorically speaking, that nature would provide and large pieces of fresh fruit and baked bread would be served to us on silver platters when it was time to eat. We had a sense of destiny and “certainty” about things once. For example, we absolutely positively were CERTAIN we had the BEST music of any generation EVER, and it played in our heads, on our home stereos, and from our cars constantly. We also were certain that the world was made of two types of everything, like the cool and the uncool, the hip and the unhip, the enlightened and the unenlightened. It took us many years to see the various shades of gray in the world… and in opening our “eyes” to such complexity and uncertainty we lost something, just like Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden when they ate of the “Tree of Knowledge”. We didn’t just learn about good and bad, like John Lennon and Charles Manson, Woodstock and Altamont, but we began to see our own shadows and psychological imperfections in failed marriages, custody battles, parenting nightmares and substance abuse problems, sometimes ours and sometimes in our own reflexively rebellious teenagers. That was another “mirror” of reality many of us didn’t count on having to face.

Dont get me wrong. I’m not trying to be morbid or totally pessimistic. If you know me at all then you’ll understand it is more about humor, irony and, well, sentimentality. It’s ironic and hilarious to me that I cared so very much, at age 20, about having long hair that would “stay in place” so I could look cool at the protest marches in Boulder, and now I am totally bald (aided by my overly expensive Mach 3 razor blades by Gillette). It’s ironic that I am a divorced Clinical Psychologist with three idealistic 20-something sons. It is touching and soul moving when I hear music from the 60′s and 70′s or talk to high school friends (and others) on Facebook who, like me, look alot older but have the same twinkle in their eye that I remember from so long ago. Finally, I dont give a shit what my kids say. We DID have the BEST MUSIC ever!!      Peace and Love MY Brothers and Sisters….and really good food too.

Stairway to Heaven…..61 MILLION hits and counting:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w9TGj2jrJk8